Spring blues - mid-life confidence crisis?

A little motivation may be just what you need!

Do you ever get that sinking feeling, 'I’ll be found out'? So many of us walk around with ‘imposter syndrome’ it’s a wonder it can be called a syndrome, it seems to be such a natural state of being for so many of us. Some of us have developed coping strategies, some of us only have the occasional flare-up, often brought on by a stressful situation and, sadly, some of us walk around with that sense of dread almost every day.

Cognitive behavioural coaching can go some way to supporting us to address unhelpful thoughts and feelings. We can take practical steps to challenge assumptions and practice behaviours that allow us to see ourselves in a different light, but it isn’t for everyone. Without consistent healthy practices in place, we can find we are back to negative self-talk before we even realise it.

I’d like to introduce you to a motivation theory that might just help re-frame that sinking feeling that you’ll be found out. To do this we need to take a good look around us and think about the situations and circumstances we find ourselves in.

At mid-life there are often competing demands on our time and energy, whether it’s lifestyle choices resulting in late nights or early mornings, career ambitions realised or transitioning, family, friends or older relatives needing care and our time, life is often very full and very busy and in the midst of all of that, do you ever find yourself saying ‘What am I doing?’ ‘Why am I doing this?’ ‘When will it stop?’ ‘Why am I so busy?’ If so, then read on...

1. What gets you out of bed in the morning?

To be motivated for life challenges we all need to feel like we are doing whatever we are doing, well, for at least some of the time. When we feel like we might be found out, that we don’t know what we are doing or have forgotten how to do something, it can be very overwhelming especially if hormones, neurodiversity or our mental health are among the many reasons for that feeling of inadequacy.

To live life well we need to feel like we are ‘winning’ or at least getting the opportunity to spend some time doing some of the things we are good at, to give us a sense of progress. So, it may be worth thinking about (possibly writing a list) of all the things you spend your time doing. What does get you out of bed? And what are you good at, what is a strength? Once you’ve worked out what you are good at, see if there are some opportunities to spend some time doing the things you excel at, as well as the things that just have to be done.

2. Who are you spending time with?

To help our confidence further we do need to surround ourselves with good people. We don’t get first choice on family or colleagues, but you do get to choose your friends. Spending time with those who give you energy as opposed to sapping you of energy is a worthwhile investment if you want to lose that feeling of being found out. WhatsApp, text and calls are a great way to stay in touch in a healthy way. We don’t all have time or money to invest in epic adventures with our pals, but most of us can manage to schedule a call or text with someone who makes us feel good.

3. How are you spending your time?

When we feel like we are not in control of how we spend our time and what we spend our time doing, confidence can dip. Remembering the choices you do have – even simply with our clothes, food and free time – can allow us to reclaim our autonomy and decision-making abilities. When so much of life is connected to others, it’s great to remember what is within your control. Knowing you have choices and making them can be motivating.

So just maybe those spring blues are a lack of motivation. If you can reconnect to what you are good at, spend some time doing the things that give you energy, as well as surrounding yourself with friends and family that energise you and make some choices that are within your control you might just find that your motivation picks up at work and in life and you may feel like you have a new spring in your step. Good luck!

With thanks to Deci and Ryan for their motivation theory.