What is holding you back?

Do you ever dream about a different life? Do you get stuck in apathy and accept your lot in life? Are you not sure where to turn to next? We can all get stuck in the washing machine life of eat, work, sleep, repeat. But what if there was a different way? Imagine if you could manifest a life you had always wanted.

Many of us have barriers to overcome in life. Obstacles that can hold us back and stop us from getting the life we want.

You can’t control the overbearing boss or the colleagues who gossip about you. But you can change your viewpoint. Look at your life like you are watching a movie. There is the closeup lens and the wide-angle lens. Many of us see our lives close up. Changing the lens and therefore your viewpoint can change everything. You can now see your overbearing boss may be struggling at home. He may be taking care of his sick mother. His boss might be breathing down his neck. The gossiping colleagues may need to feel they belong and be part of something. They may fear being an outsider so it’s better to gossip than be gossiped about.

When you stop being within the eye of the storm and being reactionary, life can take on a new meaning. You automatically start seeing situations through a wide-angle lens. You have taken that metaphorical step back and you start seeing others in a new light. It was never personal to you. We cannot control other people. The only person we can control is ourselves. 

When we stop focusing our energy on other people, it gives us more freedom and energy to look within. You can become your own project. You can learn to understand yourself. This is when personal barriers stopping us from getting to where we want in life, may pop up. It could be a confidence issue you try not to think about. We can only distract ourselves so much before they eventually catch up with us anyway. So why not start now? Start taking the steps now to the life you want. You can create the life you want.

But is it that simple? The short answer is no. Barriers are there for a reason. They may have helped us to survive in the past. For example, your parents may have argued a lot and as children, we can feel responsible. So we can become the mediator or the strong one. It becomes a subconscious and subliminal trait in adulthood. You may not even notice that a trait was given to you as a child or forced upon you. You may even think it’s part of your personality. But is it? Who are you really?

It takes courage and hard work to discover who you are. It can become a peeling of layers. A revealing. An unlearning from childhood. Things that may no longer serve their purpose. Some of us may even be stuck in ‘fight or flight’ from childhood. Until we peel the layers and realise we are stuck as the frightened child who ‘had’ to be strong to survive. 

It won’t be easy. But easy doesn’t make us grow. It’s the trials and tribulations through life that help us become stronger and braver. The unpeeling can also make you feel unsteady and fearful, as it is new territory.

The biggest barrier we all can face is fear. Fear of what will be revealed about ourselves. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what family or friends would say. Fear of failure. Fear that your dreams could come true. Some of us hold onto the baggage because it's familiar, even if it’s negative. Negativity can sometimes be a source of comfort because it’s all we have known.

What if your fear is your sexuality or you feel you are in the wrong body? It takes all your energy to hide and not be ‘found out,’ and you end up riddled with shame and it stops you from shining. 

I came out in 1999 as a gay woman. Everyone's experience is different, but all I felt was relief. I had felt shame since I was a small child. From about 5 years old. I knew something was different about me but wasn’t sure what. I felt like an alien being. A thing. It was only when I came out that I started to feel human.

It can take all your energy to hold a big secret like that. It’s debilitating and I was one of the lucky ones. I was 19. Some people wait a long long time to feel comfortable enough to be themselves in public. And that is ok too. Coming out is not right for everyone and even to this day, it can still be dangerous. The key is self-acceptance. Once you have that. It can be your superpower because you will have contentment in who you are.

Whatever your fears and barriers are, we all have a right to be able to shine. We can live life, instead of just exist. 

So what’s the next step?

Please feel free to contact me for your first session. I offer 30 mins free for everyone seeking life coaching. It can be a phone call or a Zoom. Whatever you are most comfortable with. There won't be pressure to continue to paid sessions. You can only continue when you feel ready.