5 coaching questions to build self-love

If you want to become more confident, there’s a vital first step many of us skip over… self-love. Why do we skip this part? In all honesty, because it’s tough.

Learning to not only accept ourselves but to love ourselves as we are helps us develop self-worth, and from this foundation we can build confidence. When it comes to building self-love, there are lots of tools you can try but here we want to share a powerful set of self-coaching questions for you to consider. 

Journaling your responses to these questions can help you notice what’s holding you back when it comes to self-love and how you can practically feel more loving and accepting of yourself. Ready to get started?

Self-love coaching questions:

1. What have I done well today?

The first question is, what have I done well today? Simple enough, but some of us can struggle with this. Remember, it doesn’t have to be anything big, it could just be that you’ve made an exceptionally good cup of tea. The idea behind this question is to help your brain notice the positive things you do, so you can recognise and acknowledge what you bring to the table. We recommend asking yourself this at the end of every day to help cultivate a habit.

2. How can I honour my needs more?

When we don’t love ourselves, we often overlook our needs and we might find ourselves constantly putting other people’s needs above our own. This can lead to self-neglect and sabotage your self-love efforts. When you ask yourself, how can I honour my needs more? You’re making space to consider what your needs are and the ways in which you can honour them. 

3. What makes me feel loved? (and how can I give this to myself?)

OK, this question is twofold… Firstly, what are some things other people do for you that make you feel loved? Perhaps through acts of service, physical touch or words of affirmation? Once you know this, you can consider how you can do more of this for yourself. This is really all about nurturing your relationship with yourself and reminding yourself that you deserve care and attention.  

4. What do I need to forgive myself for?

Sometimes we have something lurking in the back of our minds that’s stopping us from loving ourselves. Often, it’s something we need to forgive ourselves for. Self-love can only really come through when we accept ourselves fully and accept that we have made mistakes and aren’t perfect. So ask yourself, what do I need to forgive myself for and allow yourself the space to acknowledge and process your response.

5. What would I tell a good friend?

This question is helpful if self-love is something you find especially tough. If you find yourself struggling, ask yourself what you would tell a friend in the same situation and then try to say this to yourself. You may want to try distanced self-talk at first, which is talking to yourself in the third person – it may sound strange, but it can give you the distance you need to start really believing what you’re saying. 


Hopefully these questions help, but it’s important to know that this work isn’t easy and sometimes we need professional help. Building up self-love and confidence is something a coach can really help with, asking tailored questions about your experience to help you uncover your way forward.

Learn more about self-esteem coaching and connect with a coach today to start your journey. 

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Written by Katherine
Kat is a Senior Writer for Life Coach Directory and Happiful magazine.
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Written by Katherine

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