Beating the value wound: Be the flame and not the moth

Be the flame, not the moth. Giacomo Casanova said this most probably in reference to passion, however, here l am referring to the concept more in relation to how we might find, within a simple shift of thought and outlook, a happier and simpler way of lifting us out of our “value wound”.


Although it's fair to say the modern-day versions of this philanderer, the well-known womaniser from Medieval Venice has definitely played their part in tripping me into my own “value wound” many a time before l woke up and started “joining up the dots”. And l will bet many a woman reading this will likely be nodding their head too. Sadly the prevalence of ill-intended people is nothing new. We just have new speak for it.

But let us take this out of the ill-intended scoundrel’s hands and instead apply a different counsel to it because it also applies to how the power of our value and self-esteem can be put back into our own hands. So much better for us.

“Burning brightly” raises our feelings of value enormously... we are there in that place empowered, by the giving, by the joy of our contribution instead of being in the shadows and the waiting space for someone or something (or both) to save us. 

It is so easy to fall into looking for a saviour but so many opportunities can never be known if they are not explored outside of “waiting” for these to come to us. We can raise our own Barr.

How many of us anxiously attached defer to longing for a “saviour”, as well as being fooled by corrupt charlatans? 

Why would we need to be saved in the first place, when we all have our own light that we may shine, when we believe in ourselves and have faith in what is unique? Each one of us is already unique.

I have personally found that being in the “waiting to see and receive" space encourages and perpetuates low mood, and that ghastly feeling of being in your best outfit, shiny shoes and being last to be picked up or collected from wherever you are ”waiting; it is a “small child” space that feels helpless. And indeed, it can be what is keeping us down here.

You can absolutely turn this around! Now, today. 

By offering something, and putting it out there. Not with the focus on the expectations, or for the winning, or for the giving to get, but for the doing of it because you have and believe you have something to offer.

So without further ado. Here are some suggestions of how you can shine brightly.

Think about one thing that you can do without asking. This can be anything. You can ask someone if they would like to meet for a drink or a meal just a get-together. This might start a friendship or even a romantic relationship.

You can create an example or leaflet of your work and place this in places where people might be interested. You can offer to do voluntary work. You can start therapy for your “value wound” and see where that takes you. 

When we reach out and connect outside of ourselves in the new, the unexplored, we find new beginnings. Even if you start by planting something and watching it grow, being part of its progress becomes also part of yours.

Easter is a perfect time, for it is about new beginnings. Much as with the lighting of the Pascal Flame, we see and find what we can leave behind at the foot of the cross of our burdens, and become lighter for it. In the newness of a flame, we find hope and a new path to take us to new-felt wholeness and value. 

So be the flame and not the moth, because somewhere there will be someone or something that might shine and belong more because of it (and so will you). The world is waiting for you.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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London, N8
Written by Gail Berry, Emotional and Relationship Coach
London, N8

Written by Gail Berry Emotional Coach - both a therapist and an alternative medical practitioner who works with healing people’s core wounds and uses Bach Flower Remedies alongside talking and behavioural therapy to make real change and transformation possible.
07771 715072
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