Can a coach help me to find self-approval?

Personal development coaching can provide space to explore self-approval, self-confidence and self-esteem.

Self-approval is not about believing you are better than other people. It can involve recognising your own worth without needing to diminish someone else’s. Self-approval, intention and self-belief can all influence how we see ourselves and the choices we make.

A coach may offer techniques to help you appreciate yourself and accept your faults and foibles, recognise your self-worth, take pride in your accomplishments and consider whether the expectations you set for yourself are realistic.

A coach can also help you explore how you respond when other people don’t choose or approve of you. Perhaps you aren't chosen for a job or someone on a dating site isn't interested. Rejection can still feel personal, but another person’s decision does not have to become evidence that there is something wrong with you.

Other people’s comments reflect their perspective; they are not automatically objective facts about you. Learning to consider feedback without allowing every opinion to determine how you feel about yourself can be an important part of developing self-approval.

Looking for approval from others

If a lot of your energy goes into trying to win approval, you may find yourself editing or suppressing parts of who you are. You may also begin to give other people greater influence over your feelings, decisions and thoughts.

This doesn’t mean ignoring other people’s views. Feedback, advice and different perspectives can all be valuable. The important thing is considering whose opinions matter to you, what weight you want to give them and how they fit with your own values and judgement.

Building a stronger relationship with yourself may support confidence, self-respect and clearer decision-making.

Questions to ask yourself

Have a good think about the following questions:

• Why would you need to ask permission from someone else to be who you are?
• When do you assume that someone else knows what’s best for you?
• Whose opinions genuinely deserve weight in your decisions, and why?
• Who do you trust to give thoughtful, relevant advice?
• Why do you look for approval outside of yourself?
• When does comparing yourself with others leave you feeling worse about yourself?
• Why would you pretend to be anyone else except yourself?
• When do you give other people more influence over your choices than you would like?
• Which of your own beliefs and values matter most to you?
• When do you place someone else’s opinion above your own judgement?

Take some time to consider your answers. If you decide to work with a coach, these questions could provide a useful starting point for exploring where you seek approval, how much weight you give to other people’s opinions and what greater self-approval might look like for you.