The nuts and bolts of personal values

Before exploring different aspects of personal values, let’s take a deeper look at what personal values really are.

What are personal values?

When we think about personal values, our minds might interpret the term as meaning how much we are worth as people. Since the world we live in is largely material, we might even attach a specific measure, such as money, to our worth.

However, personal values are not the same as monetary value or self-worth. They are principles or qualities that matter to us and can influence our priorities, actions and choices. Examples might include fairness, freedom, creativity, honesty, security or compassion.

In a nutshell, our values can reflect who we are or who we want to become. It is important to recognise that having a particular value is neither right nor wrong and that the combinations of values people hold are almost endless.

How are personal values formed?

Our values begin developing during childhood and may be influenced by our cultural background, religion, teachers, family members and wider experiences. As children, we notice the behaviours, preferences and beliefs of the adults around us. We may also learn that particular behaviours bring approval, encouragement or other rewards.

However, our values are not fully formed by a particular age. They can continue developing throughout childhood and adolescence and may change during adulthood as we gain experience, encounter different perspectives and move through different stages of life.

Personal values are not necessarily set in stone. We can reflect on our existing values, challenge some of our beliefs and reconsider what matters to us.

How might personal values appear in everyday life?

Let’s say that someone values fairness. They may take their own needs and those of other people into consideration when approaching a situation. They may also try to treat others with respect and view them as equals rather than as superior or inferior.

Someone who values fairness may feel particularly affected by a situation they perceive as unfair. For example, they might feel strongly when someone blames them for something they did not do or when a manager speaks disrespectfully to a colleague.

They might choose to speak up for themselves or their colleague, although their response will also depend on their other values, the circumstances and what they feel able to do.

As you may have noticed, situations that support or conflict with our personal values can evoke both pleasant and unpleasant emotions, depending on the circumstances and how we perceive them.

Personal values conflicting with our circumstances

Let’s say someone values freedom of choice and creativity but works in a fast-paced, competitive sales environment. This person is not naturally competitive but manages to perform well in the workplace.

Even though they achieve good results and earn good money, they experience persistent internal friction that they cannot easily explain. On the surface, there may be no obvious reason for this conflict. However, their working environment may not provide the freedom or creativity that matters to them.

Not knowing our personal values can make life more complicated. Without an internal compass to give us a sense of direction, it can be easy to become guided by someone else’s ideas or vision.

How to understand your personal values

One simple way to explore your personal values is to take a pen and paper and answer the following questions:

• What do I value most? Examples might include freedom of choice, excellence, connection, fun, curiosity, acknowledgement, trust, recognition, success or love. You may have a combination of five or more values, and their relative importance may change depending on the situation.
• Why do I value these things?
• How are my values reflected in different areas of my everyday life?
• When have I made decisions that did not align with these values, and how did I feel?
• When have I made decisions that did align with these values, and how did I feel?

Going through this practical exercise may help you identify your personal values, make more considered decisions and navigate challenges with a clearer sense of direction.