Why being you really matters

While watching the documentary 'In Wonder' about Shawn Mendes on Netflix last night, I couldn’t help but notice two recurring themes among those at the pinnacle of their careers.

Firstly, how passionate they are about what they do. During one of his concerts, Shawn Mendes humbly shares, “I am just a guy who really loves music”, while 40,000 tightly packed fans scream and cheer. That level of success only comes from genuine passion because you can’t get to the top of the game without loving what you do.

The second theme I’ve noticed is how they are unapologetically, truly, fully, completely themselves. Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Ed Sheeran, and Adele - who they are clearly shows in their music, it’s what makes them special, it’s what makes them stand out, even though they are all artists, you don’t confuse Taylor Swift with Adele and the thing is, we all have that uniqueness even if we falsely believe that there is nothing uniquely special about us.

Every single one of us is incredibly unique, just think for one moment, that there is no other person on this planet of however many billion people that is exactly like us. No one else will have the exact DNA as us, think exactly like us, have the exact same experience as us, the exact same likes, and dislikes.

There is only one of us and there will only ever be one of us.

How mind-blowing is that?

So why are we always trying to fit in, instead of stand out?

If standing out means being incredibly successful at being you, which only you can, why are we hiding, conforming, fitting in and listening to others?

We were born knowing only who we were, what we liked, and what we disliked. At the age of two we weren’t comparing ourselves to other people, we were just fully ourselves and over time society, families, education, and media slowly got us to conform, to fit in; the uniforms we had to wear at school, the roles we had to play. And slowly, over time, it's eroded our uniqueness, making us forget the uniqueness of who we are, and influencing us to chase goals and dreams that others told us we should chase.

I see and I am reminded about how unique people are in children. My brother has three kids, twin girls at eight and the oldest is a boy at 12. None of them are anything alike. Ascher is bold, outwardly confident, and is always the first to put her hands up for anything in class, even if she doesn’t know the answer, she likes to dress perfectly, her hair has to be perfect, and she’s always chosen to be a vegetarian.

Her twin sister Kyle is quiet, loves her food, eats absolutely anything, and is very affectionate. She doesn’t have the confidence her sister has, she’s sensitive, has high sensory skills, and is highly emotional, messy, and artistic. I’ve never seen any child have quite the tantrums that she has!

Then there is Rykin, the oldest. He’s just a really sweet boy, very caring about others, very thoughtful, very kind, and happy to play on his own or with others. He just wants to spend his time building legos, talking and just having fun. He’s not particularly into anything, he’s happy just to hang out with you, his kind, caring, thoughtful nature means that everyone loves being with him.

I remember one Christmas when Rykin at six years old wanted to stay at home, and build Legos. His father on the other hand needed him to go visit and spend the afternoon with his grandparents. It took an hour to convince this little six-year-old to get in the car and visit his grandparents. He knew even at six what he wanted and, that day, it wasn't to visit his grandparents.

For sure, as we grow older there are some things we have to do to be part of society, for work but giving away too many things that deeply matter to us and that conflict with who we are, results in our own unhappiness.

Our real inner happiness comes from being fully ourselves, expressing ourselves, being true to ourselves, and living every day in alignment with who we really are. If being happy matters to us, if finding meaning and being fulfilled matters to us we have to set those boundaries as an adult of what we are willing to compromise and what we absolutely won’t. In the end, people understand.

As a coach, this is where I usually start with every new client - really getting to know you, who you are, what matters to you, what you want and what’s holding you back. While the challenges may sometimes be the same, every single client is so different and sees things uniquely differently.

How to be more you means following your passions, your curiosities, just doing more of what you love versus what you don’t love, trusting in those signs, listening to yourself above others and setting boundaries where you need to.

In my own life, I have done this and I continue to do this - I only wish I had known and done it sooner. Following my curiosities started with small things (studying psychology, and going to a yoga class), but has evolved and over the years and grown to become a life that I truly love, and nothing like my sister's.

Just think, what if Shawn Mendes wasn’t brave enough or confident enough to get on stage and make music? Thousands of people would miss out on the music he creates. He’s brilliant because he’s just fully himself, doing what he loves and sharing it with the world.

We often doubt ourselves, underestimate ourselves, falsely believe that we are not good enough, forget or do not know or see how incredible or unique we are. But the truth is, you are more unique and more valuable than you think you are, and every single one of you is a beautiful, magical combination of your genetics, experience, perspectives, and beliefs. The world needs you to celebrate that, and stand out boldly in being fully you.

You have skills, purpose, passion, curiosities, an insight, something incredibly special and valuable that only you can offer the world. If you can lean on this, hone this, work on perfecting this and have the confidence to step out, you will really be happy, you will shine, you will live fully, and you will truly succeed in the biggest way possible.

Being more you means continuously pursuing your genuine curiosity and passions, for one thing, it will feel easy to you, and hard to others. Just promise to make a start in some small way.