Here, we explore what confidence and self-belief can look like, why you might struggle with them and how coaching could support you.
Why is self-confidence important?
When we are confident, we feel more able to take risks and do the things that scare us. We don't mean risks like jumping out of a plane (unless that's a goal of yours!), but everyday situations that can feel risky, like speaking up, meeting new people, or trying something new.
Confidence doesn't mean you never feel nervous or doubt yourself. Often, it's about trusting that you can take the next step even when you don't know exactly how things will turn out.
When we don't have confidence in our abilities, it can affect different areas of our lives. We might hold back from opportunities, struggle to communicate what we want, or feel stuck when we'd like to make a change.
In this video, coach and NLP practitioner Merrisha Gordon explains what confidence coaching is and how it can support you.
What is self-confidence and self-belief?
Self-belief or self-confidence is the way that you feel about your skills, abilities and behaviour. It can influence whether you trust yourself to handle a challenge, make a decision or try something unfamiliar.
You don't have to feel completely confident before taking action. In fact, confidence can develop by doing something despite feeling nervous and discovering you're more capable than you thought.
Many people can portray an image of complete confidence whilst shaking with fear on the inside. This "fake it until you make it" idea can be helpful if it encourages you to take that first step. But if you constantly feel as though you're putting on a confident front, it may be worth exploring what's underneath that feeling.
What is self-esteem and self-worth?
Self-worth, or self-esteem, describes how you feel about yourself, regardless of your appearance, achievements, and capabilities. While confidence can vary depending on the situation – you might feel confident at work but nervous socially, for example – self-esteem relates more broadly to how you see and value yourself.
If your self-esteem is low, you may be particularly self-critical, compare yourself with others, or feel you need to prove your worth. You might also find it harder to recognise your strengths and achievements.
Confidence and self-esteem are closely connected, but they aren't the same thing. Understanding which one you're struggling with can be a useful starting point for deciding what you'd like to change.
Signs of low confidence and self-belief
Confidence looks different for everyone, and most of us feel more confident in some situations than others. But if self-doubt regularly stops you from doing what you'd like to do, it may be worth paying attention to how it affects you.
If you’re lacking self-belief and confidence, you may feel:
- uneasy and shy;
- uncertain of what you want and who you are;
- a sense of worthlessness;
- negative about your abilities and yourself in general;
- you are unable to enjoy and relax in situations that you’d like to;
- as if you haven’t got a sense of direction in life;
- reluctant to speak up, try something new or take opportunities;
- worried about what other people think of you.
When you feel more confident, you might instead find it easier to:
- face new challenges;
- explore new opportunities;
- express your opinions and ideas;
- recognise your achievements;
- feel at ease in social situations;
- be yourself;
- make decisions based on what matters to you.
If some of the first list feels familiar, it doesn't mean you'll always feel this way. Confidence can change and develop over time.
You may want to work on it independently through self-help, or you might find it useful to have support from a confidence coach.
How can a confidence coach help?
Sometimes we know we want to feel more confident but don't know where to start, or are unsure of what's holding us back. This is where coaching may help.
A confidence coach can give you space to explore where your self-doubt shows up, what might be contributing to it and what you'd like to feel able to do differently.
Rather than telling you how to be confident, coaching can help you identify your own goals and the steps that feel realistic for you.
Depending on what you want to work on, this might include:
- identifying limiting beliefs or unhelpful thought patterns;
- recognising your strengths and achievements;
- setting goals and breaking them into manageable steps;
- practising ways to communicate more confidently;
- building accountability as you try new things;
- reflecting on what's working and adjusting your approach.
For example, you might want to contribute more in meetings but find yourself staying quiet even when you have something to say. Or maybe you've been offered an opportunity, but you're questioning whether you're capable. Coaching could help you explore what's behind that hesitation and decide how you'd like to respond.
Coaching is not about giving people all the answers...
Instead, coaching helps people understand themselves more deeply. It encourages reflection, self-awareness and honest exploration of the beliefs, habits and behaviours that may be limiting them.
– writes life coach Jack Longton, BA (Hons) in "Self-trust: The foundation of lasting confidence"
How to build confidence at work
Work is one place where confidence – or a lack of it – can become particularly noticeable. You might be comfortable with your skills but struggle to speak up in meetings, ask for a promotion, lead others or share your ideas. Alternatively, starting a new role or taking on more responsibility might bring new doubts to the surface.
A coach can work with you to understand what you want to change and identify practical steps to get there. Areas you might explore include:
- leadership;
- business and career goals;
- public speaking and presentations;
- assertiveness and communication;
- conflict resolution;
- career progression or taking on new responsibilities.
Sometimes a lack of confidence at work can also show up as a persistent feeling that you don't deserve your achievements or that you've somehow fooled other people into thinking you're more capable than you are. This is often described as imposter syndrome.
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome describes persistent feelings of self-doubt where you may struggle to recognise your achievements and worry that others will discover you're not as capable as they think. Despite evidence of your abilities or success, you might put your achievements down to luck or feel that you don't really deserve them.
These feelings can show up in different ways, such as:
Feeling like a fake
You may feel like you have deceived others into thinking that you are more competent than you actually are. You might worry that eventually you'll be 'found out'.
Thoughts might include:
- "I'm afraid my colleagues will discover that I don't know enough."
- "People think I'm more capable than I really am."
Attributing your success to luck
You may feel your success is down to luck or another external factor rather than your skills, effort and perseverance.
Thoughts might include:
- “This won’t happen again.”
- “I just got lucky.”
- “This was a total fluke.”
Downplaying your success
When you achieve something that others congratulate you for, you may discount your success or assume that anybody could have done the same thing.
Thoughts might include:
- "It’s not that big of a deal."
- "It wasn’t that important."
- "I only did well because it was easy."
You might recognise these feelings only in particular situations, or they may appear more regularly. Noticing how you respond to your achievements can be a useful first step. A coach can help you explore these patterns, recognise your strengths and consider ways to respond differently to self-doubt.
How to build self-confidence
Building confidence doesn't have to mean completely changing who you are. Small actions can help you understand what affects your confidence and give you opportunities to practise doing things differently. Here are five ideas to explore.
1. Notice the influences around you
Think about the people and environments you spend time in. Where do you feel able to be yourself, and where do you find yourself becoming more self-conscious or doubtful?
You don't necessarily need to remove people from your life, but noticing how different relationships affect you can help you think about the boundaries and support you need.
2. Pay attention to your self-talk
Our inner critics can be difficult to ignore, but start by noticing what yours is saying.
When a critical thought appears, try asking yourself, "What's the evidence for this?" You could also imagine what you would say to a friend in the same situation. Would you speak to them in the same way you're speaking to yourself?
3. Notice how you carry yourself
Think about how you feel physically when you're nervous or unsure of yourself. You might avoid eye contact, speak more quietly or make yourself smaller. Rather than trying to 'look confident', experiment with what helps you feel more comfortable and present – perhaps taking a moment before you speak, looking up or adjusting your posture.
4. Reframe setbacks
When something doesn't go the way you hoped, try not to see it as a waste of time. Ask yourself what the experience taught you and what you might do differently next time.
Confidence isn't about getting everything right. Learning that you can cope when things don't go to plan can be valuable too.
5. Keep track of your progress
They don't have to be major achievements. Speaking up when you'd normally stay quiet, making a decision you've been putting off or simply trying something new all count. Looking back can help you see progress you might otherwise miss.
Confidence isn't something you either have or don't have. It can change depending on the situation, and it can develop through experience, reflection and practice.
If self-doubt is keeping you from making changes or doing what matters to you, you may find it useful to explore what's getting in the way with a coach.
Professional confidence isn't magic; it is evidence... As your experience grows, your confidence expands not because work becomes easier, but because you gradually learn to trust your ability to adapt.
