How to shift from self-judgment to self-compassion

Do you often find yourself trapped in a relentless cycle of negative self-talk? Do thoughts like "I'm worthless," "I can't do anything right," or "I'm lazy" plague your mind?


It's important to recognise that there are two parts within you: the one that speaks these hurtful words and the one that receives them. To understand the roots of these destructive thoughts, let's delve into the transformative practice of self-compassion.

The origin of these negative messages

Begin by exploring the origins of these harmful messages. To do this, reflect on where they may stem from – for example, past experiences, societal pressure, or even internalised criticism. 

Acknowledge the pain of their impact

Then, turn your attention to the impact these words have on you. Notice how they manifest in your body and emotions. It may feel as though a bully is belittling a vulnerable part of you. Acknowledging this pain is the first step towards self-compassion.

The antidote to self-judgment: Self-compassion

Step one: offering empathy and understanding

Self-compassion involves addressing the part of you that receives these hurtful messages with empathy and understanding. Offer a heartfelt apology, such as: "I'm so sorry you had to endure those hurtful words. I understand why they would make you feel that way."

Remember, self-compassion isn't about validating negative beliefs by saying, "I'm sorry, you're stupid" or "I'm sorry, you're lazy." Instead, it's about acknowledging the hurt and extending genuine compassion to yourself.

Step two: Embracing the truth

Once you've shown compassion to the wounded part within you, it's time to embrace the truth. Remind yourself of your worth and capabilities. Affirm that you are intelligent, capable, and valuable.

Your worth isn't solely dependent on your accomplishments; it emanates from your mere existence and the positive impact you have on the world. You are a unique and invaluable presence, a gift to those around you.

Disclaimer: A lifelong practice

It's important to note that self-compassion is not a one-time fix. Just as your critical inner voice persists, so must your loving and kind self-talk. Counteract the negativity by continuously engaging in self-compassionate dialogue. This practice may be needed numerous times throughout your life.

Embrace the journey of changing how you feel in the present moment, rather than seeking validation externally or relying on future circumstances.

Embrace inner healing

Remember, self-compassion is a powerful tool for inner healing. It liberates you from the shackles of self-criticism and empowers you to embrace self-love and acceptance.

Cultivating self-compassion is a lifelong practice, one that transforms your relationship with yourself and those around you. Embrace the path of self-compassion and witness the profound impact it has on your well-being.

If you are struggling with the painful impact of self-judgment, I welcome you to contact me to explore the origins of these thoughts and to discover a myriad of ways to heal from them. Living with an inner bully is not an easy life. You don't have to go it alone – you can start healing today by contacting me through my profile.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Written by Anna Jarviautio, Anxiety Specialist in Mayfair
London W1K & W1G

Anna Jarviautio is an anxiety specialist with a passion for helping stressed-out overthinkers achieve equanimity and become their true selves. She is based in London and operates out of clinics in Mayfair, Marylebone, and Harley Street. Not based in London? Not a problem: Zoom sessions are available to you wherever you are in the world.

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