My experiences of studying and working with people over the years have led me to identify the difference between those who have confidence and those who do not. And here’s why. Without going into the usual childhood ramble and how somebody may be doomed by their past, I will say it as it is: certainty v uncertainty.
What do I mean by this?
Those who are absolutely certain about their own capabilities, those who can enter a situation knowing they will be just fine, those that embrace change, those that say "No matter what, I will find a way", those who embrace uncertainty, those who step into the unknown, those who are willing to step outside of their comfort zone. The list goes on.
Certainty is a huge part of confidence and when you’re absolutely certain you’re well on your way to being a confident person. However, if you’re unable to face uncertainty, how does this affect your confidence?
How does uncertainty affect confidence?
Uncertainty is how we grow. It is how we experience new beginnings. It allows us to challenge ourselves. We learn about who we really are and what we are capable of. It’s how we start a business or enter a new relationship. Without uncertainty how are we meant to expand our skills? Our knowledge? Our personal growth? Our life? What does all this mean?
Most people live a life of certainty and avoid uncertainty like the plague. If they know what is going to be and how it is, they’re fine. If faced with a situation that was unexpected, not planned or something changed without them knowing, they freak out. Sound familiar?
Embracing uncertainty is a key part of the recipe for those who lack confidence. Once you’re able to face the unknown, deal with unexpected situations, change your plans at the last minute, you have what it takes and confidence oozes.
Could you confidently walk into a local bar and meet up with your mates? Could you walk into a foreign bar and introduce yourself to a group of strangers? Certainty v uncertainty right there. If you answered ‘yes’ to both are you lacking in confidence?
That was just a simple tester to get you thinking. But the real question is, do you really lack confidence? Or could it be something else?
It’s not uncommon for a person to believe they lack confidence. What I find interesting, however, is in most cases it is ‘selective confidence’. What does this mean?
If there was a situation that was a matter of life or death, would you face up to it? Are you more confident when you have alcohol? If you were offered a substantial amount of money to do something you wouldn’t normally have the confidence to do, would you do it?
These are some extreme examples I know, but they are examples that involve choice, decision making. All of a sudden something that may seem uncertain becomes a must or easy to face.
So do you have confidence? Are you afraid of the unknown or is it just selective unknowns? Maybe it’s time to find out what’s really going on and what it is you need.
As you can see, getting a good balance between certainty and uncertainty is key. This will allow you to face situations you Once may have found impossible. That’s confidence!
Thanks for reading and hopefully this brief overview has helped you with your confidence and understanding. To find out more on this topic, please get in touch.