Why being you really matters

While watching the documentary 'In Wonder' about Shawn Mendes, I couldn’t help but notice two recurring themes among those at the pinnacle of their careers.

Firstly, how passionate they are about what they do. During one of his concerts, Shawn Mendes humbly shares, “I am just a guy who really loves music”, while 40,000 tightly packed fans scream and cheer. That level of success often involves genuine passion, alongside hard work, opportunity and dedication.

The second theme I’ve noticed is how they are unapologetically, truly, fully, completely themselves. Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Ed Sheeran and Adele all have their own distinctive styles. Who they are clearly shows in their music, and it’s what makes them special. Even though they are all artists, you don’t confuse Taylor Swift with Adele. And the thing is, we all have that uniqueness even if we falsely believe that there is nothing uniquely special about us.

Why embracing your individuality matters

Every single one of us is incredibly unique. Just think for one moment that there is no other person on this planet who has exactly the same combination of experiences, perspectives, interests and personality as you.

There is only one of us and there will only ever be one of us.

How mind-blowing is that?

So why are we always trying to fit in, instead of stand out?

If standing out means confident in who you are, which only you can, why are we hiding, conforming, fitting in and listening to others?

How we lose touch with our authentic selves

As children, we begin discovering who we are, what we like and what we dislike. Over time, society, families, education and media can influence our choices and expectations. From the uniforms we wear at school to the roles we feel expected to play, these experiences can sometimes encourage us to conform rather than embrace our individuality. And slowly, over time, we may lose touch with some of what makes us unique, influencing us to chase goals and dreams that others told us we should chase.

I see and I am reminded about how unique people are in children. My brother has three kids, each with their own very different personality, interests and preferences.

One is bold, outwardly confident and always the first to put their hand up for anything in class, even without knowing the answer. Another is quieter, artistic, affectionate and sensitive, with their own way of experiencing the world. The oldest is thoughtful, kind and caring, and equally happy spending time alone or with others.

Despite growing up in the same family, their personalities and interests are wonderfully different.

I remember one Christmas when one of the children, then six years old, wanted to stay at home and build with LEGO bricks. Their father, on the other hand, wanted them to visit their grandparents for the afternoon. It took an hour to convince them to get in the car and visit his grandparents. Even at six, they had a strong sense of what they wanted, and that day, it wasn't to visit their grandparents.

Learning to live in line with your values

For sure, as we grow older there are some things we have to do to be part of society, and to meet our responsibilities at work and in our relationships. But compromising too often on things that deeply matter to us, or that conflict with who we are, can contribute to unhappiness.

Our real inner happiness ccan be supported by being ourselves, expressing ourselves and living in alignment with what matters to us. If being happy matters to us, if finding meaning and being fulfilled matters to us we have to set those boundaries as an adult around what we are willing to compromise and what we absolutely won’t. While others may not always understand our choices, setting boundaries can help us stay true to our values.

As a coach, this is where I usually start with every new client - really getting to know you, who you are, what matters to you, what you want and what’s holding you back. While the challenges may sometimes be the same, every single client is so different and sees things from their own unique perspective.

How to be more authentically you

How to be more you means following your passions, your curiosities, just doing more of what you love versus what you don’t love, trusting in those signs, listening to yourself as well as considering the perspectives of others, and setting boundaries where you need to.

In my own life, I have done this and I continue to do this - I only wish I had known and done it sooner. Following my curiosities started with small things (studying psychology, and going to a yoga class), but over the years, these interests have evolved and helped me create a life that I truly love, and one that looks nothing like my sister's.

Just think, what if Shawn Mendes wasn’t brave enough or confident enough to get on stage and make music? Thousands of people would miss out on the music he creates. Part of what makes his music special is his willingness to share what he loves with the world.

We often doubt ourselves, underestimate ourselves, falsely believe that we are not good enough, forget or do not know or see how incredible or unique we are. But the truth is, you are more unique and more valuable than you think you are, and every single one of you is a beautiful, magical combination of your genetics, experiences, perspectives, and beliefs. The world needs you to celebrate that, and stand out boldly in being fully you.

You have skills, purpose, passion, curiosities, insights and something special and valuable to offer the world. By recognising and developing these qualities, you can build confidence and work towards a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling to you.

How to learn who you are

Being more authentically you doesn't have to mean making big changes overnight. Sometimes it starts with noticing what genuinely matters to you.

Take a few moments to reflect on these questions:

• What makes you feel most like yourself? Think about the activities, people or situations where you feel comfortable expressing who you are.
• What brings you joy or curiosity? Are there interests you've neglected because of other people's expectations or everyday responsibilities?
• What's one small change you could make? Perhaps it's returning to an old hobby, expressing an opinion or making more time for something you enjoy.

You don't have to have everything figured out. Getting to know yourself is an ongoing process, and small steps can help you build a life that feels more aligned with your values.

Being more you means continuously pursuing your genuine curiosity and passions. Some things may come more naturally to you than others, particularly when they reflect your interests and strengths. Just promise to make a start in some small way.

If you've lost touch with what matters to you or find yourself making choices based on other people's expectations, working with a life coach can offer a supportive space to explore your values, reconnect with your interests and build the confidence to live more authentically.