How to choose a coach whose style works for you

Coaches not only have different types of training and approaches; they also have vastly different styles. This should form part of your selection process and will depend on your preferences, circumstances and the sort of change you are looking to make.

At one end of the spectrum, a coach may be highly nurturing, patient and reflective. At the other, a coach may be more direct, challenging and focused on action and accountability. Either approach can be valuable, but an extreme may leave one client feeling insufficiently challenged and another feeling overwhelmed.

Many coaches operate somewhere between these approaches and adjust their style according to the client and situation. There are times when you may benefit from a nurturing, stabilising presence and others when you might want someone to relight a fire in your heart, or under your, shall we say, feet.

You enter into a coaching agreement for a reason, and support for change and accountability may be important parts of that relationship. Some of the work may take you towards the edge of your comfort zone. A degree of discomfort can accompany reflection and change, but challenge should be agreed, proportionate and open to discussion.

Feeling unsafe, pressured or unable to disagree with your coach should not automatically be interpreted as evidence that the coaching is working. You should feel able to discuss how the process affects you and ask for a different approach when needed.

Everyone is different in what works for them, and every situation is different. Your coach is also a person whose style will reflect who they are. They may have a preferred area on that spectrum while remaining flexible according to where you are and what you want to achieve.

For some people, the area of growth may involve taking action or accepting greater accountability. For others, it may involve allowing themselves to receive support. Both can be worthwhile areas to explore.

If you have specific preferences, accessibility requirements or experiences in your personal history that could affect the coaching relationship, it is a good idea to discuss these with a prospective coach. You do not have to disclose anything you would rather keep private, but you can explain what helps you feel supported and what approaches do not work for you.

You may get a sense of who your coach is and how they work through an initial exploratory conversation. You can also look at their writing, videos and social media content, where available. Don’t get hung up on each post; instead, look for the red thread running through their communication and get a feel for their overall style.

They might be quite formal, or casual and conversational, for example. Both styles can be effective, but not everything will work for you, and that is perfectly fine.

You may want to ask yourself:

• Does this coach’s approach resonate with me?
• Do I feel listened to and respected?
• Can I be honest when I disagree or feel uncomfortable?
• Is their level of challenge appropriate for what I want to achieve?
• Have we discussed expectations, boundaries and accountability?
• Do I understand their training, experience and way of working?

You want to change something or work out what needs to happen next, and this means that something may need to shift. Your coach’s role is to support and appropriately challenge you through that process, while respecting your autonomy and boundaries.

Make the selection process part of your exploration and growing self-awareness. By considering what you need from the coaching relationship, your change journey may already have begun.