Building physical connection between partners

For a few years now, I’ve been teaching body-to-body massage to new sensuality professionals and couples who come and see me. My students usually have little to no experience and in a very short time, I have to find a way to elevate their touch to a professional level. Fast but effective - go! 

How do we learn to be the best? Through stories and metaphors.

Let me present to you four dimensions of touch. Meet Lion, Snake, Swan and Bear. They are four characters that, when played well and harmoniously, create the most wholesome experience. A vibrant lover embraces all four dimensions, four characters in their touch, and also in lovemaking moves through all four roles.

Lion

Lion touch is pressing, pulling and grabbing. It's very grounding and delicious. It feels as if you are being taken and claimed, and can finally relax.

Try Lion touch on your own hands. Take a deep breath, squish and grab the fleshy part of your hand and hold it for a few seconds. Let it go and feel the relaxation set in.

As a lover, Lion is passionate, eager, and devouring. Lion lover is very well known because usually, videos of lovemaking are of the Lions in action. It gives a great watch, but it's not so great for deeper connection.

Snake

Snake touch is slippery, sliding, and oiled-up goodness. It's connecting, tantalising and creating a melty feeling.

Next time you go and wash your hands, close your eyes. As you soap your hands up and take a minute of the feeling of the sliding “slither-ness”, feel the connection and acceptance rising.

As a lover, Snake is very loving, deeply connecting, and wanting to include every part of the body in the touch. The pace is slower, the connection is deeper.

Swan

Swan’s touch is airy and heavenly delightful. The pace is so slow and gentle, it could be with feathery fingers or hot breath. It’s exquisite and creates a sensation of deep care.

Rest your left hand on your lap, and with your right hand, use your fingers to trace the line from the base of your hand to the fingertip. Caress gently and slowly. Take a couple of seconds to feel the effects of that touch after.

Swan lover is almost like an angelic apparition, full of gentlest appreciation, sweet affection, and loving enjoyment. When you are touched by a Swan lover, it feels that your heart melts and you feel deeply connected and loved.

Bear

Bear touch is the most calming and melty, it's pure love and oxytocin. Holds, absorption of the sensations and pauses. A touch of stillness, it creates such deep relaxation and bliss.

Take one hand into the other and hold them very gently. Feel the warmth emanating, the gentle pulse underneath. Notice how relaxing it is for the whole body to just be.

The Bear lover is the lover who widens the depth of the heart, and makes you feel truly loved and wanted. When you are being hugged by such a lover, it feels like coming home to the truest self.

A coaching perspective on intimacy

Touch can feel different for everyone, and what feels connecting for one person may not feel the same for another. Taking time to understand each other's preferences can help you communicate more openly about physical affection and intimacy.

You might want to reflect on these questions together:

What kinds of touch do I enjoy?
What does my partner enjoy?
Do our preferences differ?
How comfortable are we communicating about physical affection?
Has what we enjoy changed over time?

If you find these conversations difficult, couples coaching can provide a supportive space to explore your needs and preferences together. A coach can help you communicate more openly, understand where your needs may differ, and identify ways to strengthen emotional and physical connection that feel right for your relationship.

Did you recognise yourself in any of these roles? Which one is the easiest to play? Which one is unknown? Which one do you feel a longing to experience?