The value of healthy relationships

An important part of a healthy relationship is being able to ask for what you need and say no to what you don't want. But why can these things be so hard to do in the midst of our most important relationships?

The difficulties in communicating these simple things can sometimes stem from fears of being rejected, dismissed or feeling insignificant. Speaking openly about what we want and how we'd like to be treated can feel vulnerable because the other person may not always agree with or respond to what we ask for.

And, although we may not give it much thought, all of us experience many different kinds of relationships that can add valuable support to our lives every day.

The different relationships in our lives

Romantic relationships

We may have a special someone, a spouse or partner; the person who knows us well or someone with whom we share our daily struggles and successes. We may regard that person as our ally, soulmate or life companion.

Friendships

We may have friends with whom we share coffee, a few drinks, the weekly game or who we can talk to about our problems to get another perspective, advice or feedback.

Family

For some people, family relationships can be an important source of connection and support. Parents, children, siblings or other relatives may be among the people who have known us through different stages of our lives and can play an important part in our support network.

Work

Then there are our colleagues at work, co-workers or bosses. Many of us can spend a significant amount of time with work colleagues. They may provide support, collaboration, encouragement and recognition as we navigate our working lives.

Together, the different relationships in our lives can form an important support network, although what that network looks like will be different for everyone. They can provide emotional connection as well as the opportunity to share our worries, help each other out, have fun or simply relax.

But what happens if those relationships go wrong? What happens if we start to feel irritable, unvalued, insignificant or unappreciated?

We may feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day to accommodate everything we feel we must do or to please everybody who places demands on us.

Ongoing relationship difficulties can contribute to stress and may affect how we feel and respond to the people around us. In turn, this can make communication and connection more difficult.

But you can pause and consider the ways in which you can look after your relationships more effectively, in ways that may benefit you and the other people involved.

7 ways to build and maintain healthy relationships

1. Be generous

Are you slow or even reticent to offer praise or show enthusiasm for another’s successes and talents? Giving someone your time and attention can be a meaningful way of showing that the relationship matters.

2. Be quick to apologise

Acknowledging when we’ve made a mistake and being quick to apologise can help defuse a tense situation and allow you to begin moving forward.

A sensitive apology can demonstrate empathy and a desire to make amends. Being willing to take responsibility when we've got something wrong can help build trust within a relationship.

3. Be interested

Relationships are about listening as well as readily communicating our own thoughts and worries. Be interested in the other person’s story, ask questions, remember what you’ve been told and be sure to follow up the next time you meet.

Being genuinely interested is an important way of demonstrating affection and concern for another person.

4. Share your thoughts, feelings and boundaries

A relationship has to be a two-way commitment for it to thrive and grow. Take care of your relationships by participating with ideas, suggestions and input, as well as investing yourself.

Be willing to communicate your thoughts, feelings, needs and boundaries, while demonstrating through your words and actions that the views and feelings of the other person matter too.

5. Keep investing in yourself

Continue making time for your own interests, friendships and wellbeing. A healthy relationship doesn't have to mean losing sight of the things that make you feel like yourself.

Taking care of yourself and continuing to explore the things you enjoy can be an important part of what you bring to your relationships with others.

6. Make time for your relationships

Many of us have incredibly busy lives with too much to do each day. Remember how important the people in your life are.

Make time to share a meal or a conversation and take the opportunity to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Demonstrate that the relationship is important to you.

7. Offer help and mean it

Take care of your relationships by occasionally making considerate gestures without being asked. Simple, thoughtful words and actions may mean a great deal to the other person, possibly in ways you may never fully comprehend.

How healthy have your relationships really been?

The pressures and constraints of modern life can mean that, sometimes, our relationships are neglected. Work, deadlines and demanding schedules can all mean that fitting in routine household errands and chores, family commitments and a little personal ‘me’ time can seem an impossibility - let alone finding time for each other.

Digital communication and social media can help us stay connected, but they may not always provide the kind of connection we need. It can be useful to consider whether you have enough opportunities for meaningful conversation and support, online or offline.

Many people no longer live in extended families or even near those they feel close to. Others may live alone or have support networks that are spread across different places.

Whether or not we have plenty of family, friends, colleagues, spouses or siblings, our existing relationships aren't the only relationships we'll ever have. New friendships, working relationships and connections can develop throughout our lives.

Some relationships may challenge us, while others can support, encourage and enrich our lives.