Russian coping strategies for difficult times

In a multicultural society, we learn from each other, sharing ideas, admiring certain qualities and adopting helpful practices. We talk about resilience and the ability to move forward in spite of difficulties, whether on a big scale or through everyday stress. I would like to share Russian coping strategies - the way we deal with hardship and keep our humour along the way.

I remember when my young daughter read Russian literature by Tolstoy and Dostoevsky, or watched movies with a similar theme, such as Solaris; she drew the conclusion: “Nobody suffers as Russians suffer.”

It was quite an amazing observation. As you are probably familiar, Russian characters are often described as soul-searching, with the multiple torments the person goes through, the incredible light and the darkest corners. When Russian characters struggle, they die seven deaths and then pick themselves up and keep on going. In real life, many do too.

I have dear friends of different nationalities with incredible personal qualities, so it is not one versus another. What I find quite peculiar is the fact that Russians do not avoid drama; they often embrace it fully, go along with it and handle it in quite a heroic way. Maybe historically we never had a choice. It was always about survival; one revolution after another, wars and hunger.

We learnt from family stories, not only from books, and if your grandmother survived a Nazi labour camp, it can feel embarrassing to complain about trivial matters. Hearing stories about being lost in the wild taiga and finding a way out without losing self-control makes you think, if one person can, you can as well.

Having said this, we do expect our values to be recognised, respected and shared, and can be quite surprised when this is not the case. Hence there are so many discussions, often quite loud, leading to occasional fights in extreme circumstances. Values are very important and, if they are not met, it can feel like betrayal.

It is not customary for many Russians to have small talk, which can be considered unsubstantial and a waste of time. You either discuss drama, events, or just sit silently, thinking about that drama or event.

Russian coping strategies for difficult times

How do we develop and keep that robust coping strategy and achieve those amazing heights in spite of difficulties, problems, hardship, challenges and dramas?

1. First, we accept that whatever happened, life goes on. So the parts of our life which work, we keep them working. Park the problem for a bit and deal with other tasks.
2. When you are facing a challenge, there is always someone who has been in the same situation or even worse. You are inadvertently becoming an observer of your own problem, taking yourself out of that pain even for a brief philosophical moment.
3. Your support from family and friends matters. We laugh together, we cry together, and we celebrate together. It could be somebody who doesn’t even talk but is just there, maybe not in the same room, but at the end of the phone, listening and crying with you. Supportive people take half of the load and create the feeling of “us against the world”.
4. Whatever you are going through will end and, at the end of it, Russians often have a celebration, a real feast with friends and delicacies. That celebration is irrelevant to the outcome; positive or negative, we celebrate life.
5. Complaining does not always resolve anything. Sometimes it is just reliving the experience and, if you are already in that experience, there may be no point in complaining.
6. As life is not always smooth sailing, everybody is expected to have some challenges, learn and gain some wisdom. “For one beaten, you can have two unbeaten ones” is a saying about the maturity you gain.
7. There must be seven of these points because seven is a lucky number, and with Russian optimism and that lucky number, the greatest point of all is this: Russians love and have passion for life. Being mad, making mistakes and still being yourself; losing, finding - it is all part of life. No point in hiding. Live it to the full.