Understanding the connection between anxiety and self-worth

Anxiety can affect how we think, feel and respond to situations around us. At times, it feels as if there is a great deal to fear both physically and psychologically. News stories can be negative and troubling, with concerns around climate change, conflict, financial pressures and other uncertainties. Layer onto this the constant chatter of social media, which can influence our perceptions of ourselves and others.

For some people, these pressures can contribute to feelings of anxiety or overwhelm.

Many social networking platforms can present highly curated versions of people's lives, where we often see their best moments. Yet people who appear happy in this public persona may feel unhappy or dissatisfied with their lives. For some, seeking approval from others can also become closely connected to how they feel about themselves.

When we compare ourselves with what we see online, we may begin to question our own achievements, appearance or progress. In a noisy and demanding environment, it can be easy to lose sight of what matters to us personally.

Being aware of how our environment affects us can be useful, as is recognising that no one person can change the external context. However, what we can change explore is how we feel about ourselves and how we respond when we feel anxious or overwhelmed.

The following six ideas are intended to help you reflect on the relationship between anxiety, self-worth and the way you see yourself.

1. Understand how your past may influence your self-worth

Good self-esteem forms in early childhood and is an internal, subjective way of seeing yourself. Our sense of self-worth can be influenced by many experiences and relationships throughout our lives. Relationships with those close to you - parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important contacts may influence how you learn to see yourself.

Some beliefs you hold about yourself today may reflect messages or experiences from your past. You may, for example, recognise thoughts such as ‘I’m not clever’ or ‘I’m going to make a big mistake’. You may also recognise messages from family or other important people, such as ‘don’t get too big for your boots’ or ‘work hard, all of the time’.  

For some people, feeling that they have broken one of these internalised ‘rules’ may contribute to anxious thoughts or self-doubt. These patterns can become familiar enough that we don't always notice them.

2. Know what makes you feel anxious 

The past shapes your current life and this is evident when you see how you react to different people. You can be reminded of your past by a certain behaviour or even a tone of voice and this can cause anxiety. A line manager who questions your decision- making can induce old feelings of not being ‘good enough’ that might come from a parent.  

Learn how to pull back, observe the situation, and separate out the way you feel, and know that you might be responding to your past rather than the ‘here and now.’   

3. Increase your self-awareness

Greater self-awareness can help you recognise patterns in your thoughts, emotions and behaviour. You might notice situations where you regularly doubt yourself, seek reassurance or become particularly self-critical. Recognising these patterns can give you an opportunity to consider whether you want to respond differently.

4. Valuing yourself

Developing a healthier sense of self-worth may help you feel more secure in yourself and less dependent on external approval. It can also make it easier to recognise your strengths while remaining open to learning and feedback.

Healthy self-esteem is about learning to like and respect yourself – faults and all.

Consider how much your opinion of yourself depends on the approval of other people. What do you value about yourself independently of what somebody else thinks? Learning to pay attention to your own thoughts, feelings and values can support a stronger sense of self.

5. Building your confidence

Self-confidence is something which grows over time, through the things you do and the achievements which make you proud. Having self-confidence creates a sense that you can achieve what you set out to do and feel secure in your abilities. Much of confidence has to do with your emotions and your perceptions of yourself and what you focus on. It is hard to feel confident if your internal dialogue is one of doubting or constantly questioning your abilities.  

You can make yourself feel anxious with negative self-talk, if you say things like ‘I’m a failure,’ or ‘I’m such an idiot’ then you pull yourself down.

Try noticing the tone of your inner critic and ask yourself how you might respond to the same situation if you were speaking to someone you cared about. Developing a more compassionate internal dialogue may help you respond to mistakes and uncertainty differently.

6. Ideas for managing anxiety  

For many people who experience anxiety it is ‘fear’ that keeps the anxious feelings heightened in their bodies and creates a sense that something will go wrong or they might fail. By managing the physical feelings of fear, you can calm yourself down and provide reassurance that you will be OK.  

Here are some simple ideas for managing anxious thoughts:

• Remind yourself that the breath is the anchor for calming yourself. Slow your breathing down and follow breathing patterns like 7/11 breathing, slowly breathing into the count of 7 and out to the count of 11 (or a variation of this pattern). 
• Spend time in nature to gain perspective on your anxious thoughts. Our world contains so much stimulation that we can easily get overloaded.  When we are in nature there are beneficial changes which can occur, like slowing down our heart rate and quietening the chatter in our minds.
• Understand your thinking.  We all can find ourselves moving into patterns of thinking which are extreme or feel as if we have very few options eg. black or white thinking or catastrophising. Gently interrupt this pattern by reassuring yourself of the nuances in life and how important it is to retain hope in adversity.
• Inspiring words, ideas or music can soothe and comfort our anxious thoughts. Some poetry or music can speak to us strongly and help ease some of our fears and tensions. Unknown feelings can be worked through or better understood, with the aid of poetry and music.     

There is no single explanation for anxiety, and different people will experience it in different ways. However, exploring your self-worth, noticing patterns of self-criticism and becoming more aware of what contributes to anxious feelings may help you understand your own experience more clearly.

As a Coach and Psychotherapist, I work with individuals to help them gain insights into themselves and the patterns that may drive anxious thoughts and feelings so that these can be interrupted and calmed. My work facilitates individuals to be more consciously aware of the choices they make to reduce anxiety and feel more hopeful and aware of their own self-worth.

I also recognise that coaching may not be the right form of support for every experience of anxiety. If anxiety is persistent, causing significant distress or affecting your daily life, you may want to speak to your GP or an appropriately qualified mental-health professional about the support available to you.