Why you’re not broken: understanding your nervous system

I would love to get something out of the way straight off the bat. I want to let you know that you are not broken, and you are not in need of fixing. There is nothing wrong with you, and you don’t need to change who you are. Nearly everyone, at some point in their lifetime, will experience symptoms related to stress and anxiety, and it is more common than you think.

Let’s look at this. As many as 1 in 5 over-16s in the UK is stressed every single day (1), and in any given week, 8 in 100 people experience Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) (2). In 2021, an estimated 359 million people (4.4% of the global population) were living with an anxiety disorder (3).

These are startling statistics, but if we look at this a little closer to home, we can see that we are human beings with a nervous system that has learned that it needs to keep us safe in moments when we don’t even know it ourselves.

Your nervous system is not your enemy (even when it feels like it is)

So, it seems that a high proportion of us have “been there, and done that”. Symptoms such as racing thoughts, heart palpitations, feeling emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted, are apparently commonplace. Even if we don’t see this in other people, it may be a bit like the duck swimming on the pond analogy: serene above the water, paddling hard to keep going, below.

In my experience, symptoms of stress and anxiety can show up in all walks of your life. This could also look like working too hard, being a perfectionist or controlling behaviour, as well as people-pleasing or self-sabotage. These can all be the result of a nervous system that is working hard to help you show up and “get through the day”.

Having experienced years of stress and anxiety, and waded through countless situations where I’d succumbed so much to my own symptoms that I’d nearly pass out, I know what it means to feel the tell-tale sensations flood your system, and the ensuing panic that arises as you try to maintain composure. But I know now that my nervous system is not my enemy. When it created these expressions within me, of heart palpitations, trembling, loss of cognitive function, and feeling faint, it was actually just responding to a perceived threat in my environment. It was actually being as helpful as it could, to try and keep me safe.

So, when our nervous system senses something, whether real or imagined, it reacts quickly, before we’ve even had a chance to cognitively notice something may be wrong. Other classic reactions may look like a racing heart, tight chest, spiralling thoughts, or butterflies in our stomach, and all of these symptoms have a purpose.

Our in-built alarm system

Many thousands of years ago, when the first humans existed, and we were faced with fighting or running away from sabre-toothed tigers, our nervous system was extremely helpful. It still is helpful now, but more often than not, it is a little overbearing.

To explain, when our system is activated, it mobilises all resources, readying us for action. The symptoms you feel coursing through you are the real-time processes going on inside you, as your body prepares you to deal with what’s coming, in the best way it knows how.

We obviously don’t live in these times any longer, but our in-built threat system is still on the prowl for potential danger, and in everyday modern times, this could look like work deadlines, managing our toddler’s meltdowns, getting through a family occasion, or simply, fitting everything we must do into not-enough-hours-in-the-day.

You’re not overreacting – you’re having a nervous system response

I’ve listed below the four automatic, completely natural and biological responses to a perceived threat, danger or pressure, experienced by us. 

Fight

Combative, defensive, or controlling behaviour aimed at overcoming a threat, such as yelling, pushing, or arguing.

Flight

Escaping, avoiding, or hiding from danger to find safety.

Freeze

Becoming physically tense, still, silent, or feeling unable to act – like "a deer in headlights" – as the body shuts down.

Fawn

Attempting to avoid conflict or harm by people-pleasing, obeying, or nurturing the perpetrator, often rooted in childhood trauma. (4)

There are probably many more nervous system states that could be listed here, but these are the main four. Also, we don’t necessarily stay in one state; we can move in and out of them, and these are automatic responses. Remember, you don’t have a choice over which state you get into; it all depends on the perceived threat outside of us.

One thing that helped me begin my road back to myself was that during times of activation, I began to notice what was happening. This was obviously very difficult to do initially, as I was in the throes of fighting a “woolly mammoth”, but it does get easier over time, I can assure you. But in brief moments of reflection, I began leaning into what was happening to me. Through noticing, we begin to actually listen to our body, and “hear” what it is trying to tell us. This is called interoception.

“Interoception is the 'eighth sense' that allows you to feel and interpret internal body signals, such as hunger, heart rate, breathing, and pain. This internal sense is crucial for emotional regulation, self-awareness, and maintaining homeostasis. Poor interoception can lead to anxiety, difficulty with emotional regulation, or difficulty identifying physical needs.” (Cleveland Clinic, 2025) (5)

The aim is to hear what our body is trying to tell us, before it has to start shouting. So, all of these symptoms that we are experiencing in moments of activation are our body trying to tell us that it is not safe here, and we need to do something to deal with the threat, i.e. fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. It is our body basically asking us to get it to a state where it feels safe again, and this is the key, because we can start to work with our body, rather than trying to suppress the shouts permeating our every being.

How we can tell our body that we are safe

Like me, if you’ve had the courage to notice what’s happening to your body in the moment of activation, merely thinking, “this is happening to me, right body, I need you to know that you are safe,” is unfortunately not going to calm your system. Being cognisant of your experience is amazing, and still the first step in healing that I would recommend; however, our body isn’t likely to understand the words that you speak to it. A top-down approach is not going to work here. In these moments, our body doesn’t feel safe, so in order to get back to homeostasis, we first have to communicate safety to our body. Healing requires new bodily experiences that help to regulate and bring about calm.

It may seem incredibly simple, but breathing can be the single most important first step to feeling regulated. Also, grounding, feeling your feet and the touch-points where they connect with the surface underneath; orienting, noticing your surroundings; gentle movement; or self-soothing touch, such as giving yourself a big hug. These simple tools are effective regulation practices when signalling safety to our system.

Reflection

If you can imagine now, maybe close your eyes if that helps, that your nervous system has written you a letter or email. It explains politely what anxiety wanted to protect you from yesterday, why your overwhelm showed up when it did, and that your freeze response is sorry it turned up uninvited again. Your nervous system goes on, that it is sorry, but it thought you were in danger, and in times when it thinks you need it, it really wants to help support you and keep you safe.

Our mind and body are in constant communication with each other, and if we can take a moment to listen, we’d come to understand that we are not broken, but that we’re normal human beings, experiencing a natural and biological response from our in-built alarm system, that is merely trying to speak with us as only it knows how. With this understanding, things can begin to feel safe again.  

References

1. Forth https://www.forthwithlife.co.uk/blog/great-britain-and-stress/
 
2. Mental Health Foundation https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
 
3. WHO https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disorders
 
4. PTSD-UK https://www.ptsduk.org/its-so-much-more-than-just-fight-or-flight/
 
5. Cleveland Clinic https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/interoception