What to say in difficult conversations

Do you ever find yourself at a loss for words?

Do you ever walk away from a conversation thinking, “I wish I had said xyz” or “I wish I hadn’t said xyz”?

Too often I hear people say:

• I avoid critical conversations.
• I face critical conversations, but I talk too much, or clam up out of anxiety.

Does this resonate with you?

You won’t be surprised to learn that when it matters the most, we are often not at our best. Critical conversations are frequently spontaneous and come out of nowhere. There’s no time to call a coach, therapist, mentor or best friend.

What’s the first step?

Become aware of your words, then reframe the ones that are disempowering you.

What will this do?

Create credibility and an empowered you.

It’s essential to know that you have to stay full of integrity and always take the high road.

Always avoid blame, attack and resistance.

Do not use loads of words to soften the other person’s anger, and do not be aggressive by saying too much in order to make sure the other person feels how angry you are.

Here’s the thing...

What you practise, you become.

Make sure you include relevant details in your conversation. Be specific about what they are doing, or are not doing, that you want them to start or stop, whatever the case may be. Be clear about how you feel, what you think and what you want.

Don’t fight a battle you can’t win. When the other person holds power or authority, don’t antagonise them. Ask yourself:

“What result do I want and what are the best words to use to get that response?”

When people hurt us, it’s natural to want to hurt them back. It’s programmed into us. But it’s also one of the most futile things you can do.

Being true to yourself, holding your own, facing someone by looking them in the eye and speaking in a calm, centred way is incredibly empowering. You can disagree without being disagreeable.

Pick your battles. Use phrases like:

• “Thanks for sharing that; however, I have a different perspective.”
• “You may be right; let’s take a look at the facts and see.”
• “Help me understand how you see it that way.”

Your words become your actions, and your actions shape your future. You can do it. Make it happen.

Why?

It’s your time to shine.