How to be successfully single

For many of us, the idea of being single and 'going it alone' can be a daunting prospect and something we go out of our way to avoid. Perhaps we associate it with outdated stereotypes of being 'on the shelf', a 'sad spinster ', or an 'eccentric bachelor'?

Many of us have grown up surrounded by messages that suggest being in a relationship or married is the expected path. A recently divorced friend once admitted that she'd gone up the aisle out of fear of being alone. For some people, fear of being alone can contribute to moving quickly from one relationship to another or staying in a relationship that no longer feels right.

The more conventionally accepted world of coupledom can be a minefield for even the most discerning singleton to dodge; and the potential pitfalls of a single life can be pretty daunting, especially for those of us who are 'going it alone' for the first time in a while. You can find yourself grappling with questions such as...

How on earth can I afford to live on my own?

• I want to go out more, but with most of my friends in relationships, it's not that easy.
• Without a partner, I don't have that many people to talk through things, such as my stressful job.
• I want to go on holiday, but really don't know anyone who'd be in a position to come with me.
• I'm getting a bit fed up with people in relationships commenting on my single status. Why should I be judged because I don't have a partner?
• I really feel I should make more of my freedom and be more adventurous... but HOW?!

Many of us are all too familiar with these challenges! Being single can also create opportunities to build an independent life that feels interesting, varied and rewarding, especially for those of us who are prepared to 'look outside the box' and start doing things outside of our comfort zone.

Some food for thought

Don’t assume a relationship is the solution to happiness

A relationship isn't a guarantee of happiness, just as being single doesn't mean being unhappy. It can be worth thinking about what makes your own life feel satisfying and meaningful, regardless of relationship status.

Treat yourself

Solo living doesn't have to mean treating yourself as an afterthought. Make time for the food, activities and small pleasures you genuinely enjoy.

Say yes to life

Say yes to opportunities to meet new people and pursue new interests. Look at what's happening in your local area or further afield: groups, events, classes and shared interests can all create opportunities to meet new people and try something different.

Give your friendships attention

Friendships can blossom when we give them time and attention, so make a conscious effort to keep in touch and develop connections with like-minded people.

Be brave and assertive

Work at being clear about who YOU are and what you want out of life. And certainly don't let people put you down because of your single status. You don't need to justify your relationship status to other people.

Focus on your own growth

Being single can create particular opportunities to focus on your own interests, identity and development. Bear this in mind when you're tempted to think that finding the perfect partner will solve all your problems.

Focus on the future

Let's face it: life's too short for dwelling on 'what could have been'. Greater independence may give you opportunities to make choices around your own priorities and explore what you want next.

Being single can, in fact, be a golden opportunity to take stock of our lives and examine who we are as individuals. If you're finding the transition to single life difficult, coaching can provide space to explore your identity, priorities and what you want the next stage of your life to look like.