What creates happy relationships?

We all know people who are single and happy, and we also know singles who are unhappy... So what's the difference?


We are all humans, but our energies can be different; masculine is very different to feminine. Masculine energy deals more with logic and utilises a value system, whereas feminine is more feeling-based and focused on connecting. When we take time to acknowledge the differences (and celebrate them) it enhances the whole. 

A person with masculine energy may have a value system that 'It is not OK to hurt someone else' and, although they may not be aware of this value system, it will still influence how they show up in his relationships. Yet, if they understand their value system - and knows themselves - they may choose a partner who is not easily offended by others i.e a person who takes responsibility for their own feelings. Someone who can easily say "You don't have the power to hurt me."

Loving is a decision. Attraction is made up in our minds.

Therefore, if we are going to think about love and attraction and make choices about it, then we need some sort of creative thinking to do so. Taking time to reflect, to think and to make a choice to go against our natural tendency of being on autopilot.

What's the difference between love and attraction?

Attraction is more instantaneous, whereas love evolves over time.

Love is a delicious mixture; a taste of attraction blended in with the discovering of who we are along with the discovery of who we chose to love. Love is a lifetime of discovery. It is so easy to get caught up in protecting ourselves when we are being vulnerable and open. When we are in self-protection we are trying to avoid any pain. We have a choice; we can focus on me or we.

When we focus on 'me', we are focused on self-protection and survival. When we are focused on 'we', we are more focused on prediction and our ability to see the outcome we want. Prediction allows our focus to be centred on knowing the desired result - giving us a target. When we have a target, we are aligned with achieving a destination and are focused on our prediction of the desired outcome.

Love divides the sorrow and multiplies the successes.

Resistance within a relationship is needed for it to grow and flourish. We need the lows to experience and appreciate the highs. We will never know true happiness without experiencing sadness.

Loving is not self-centred. Loving is living for someone else. Their needs become your needs. Love is a verb.

What actions are you doing daily to remain in love and alignment with your partner? For instance, we may go to the gym and eat the right foods to keep our bodies in shape. But, what are we doing every day, on purpose, to keep our relationships in good shape?

Love on purpose. Instead of expecting the 'right' person for you how about flipping that expectation to becoming the 'right' person. By treating a person beautifully, it will bring out their magnificence. Do everything from the core of love.

How can we appreciate the person who has decided to share our world and be a witness to our lives? What choices are you making to keep the magic alive daily? We are all very different, finding that special someone is a gift, remain present and aware. 

One thing I know for sure is that when we truly love ourselves, we fulfil our needs and desires first. We then have the capacity to love another without draining our own resources. 

Personally, for me, this looks like quiet time when I wake up. This time is utilised to meditate, journal, read and do some yoga or some other form of exercise to set me up for a beautiful happy mindset before I go about my day. 

I also take time out to rollerskate, trampoline, walk in nature, go running or simply walk my cute dog, Davey. Life truly is a gift and, once we appreciate the magic, we are able to love from an overflowing open heart. Love is a gift to give so, my greatest advice is to love, love, love and communicate clearly and harmoniously. Creative ideas pop into our heads when we know what is important to us!

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Gillingham, Kent, ME8
Written by Melanie Smith, Experienced Relationship Coach | NLP Master Practitioner
Gillingham, Kent, ME8

Hello, I'm Melanie, a Relationship Coach and NLP Master Practitioner with the skills to get you from where you are, to where you want to be. Maybe a connection isn't fulfilling your expectations, perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed, desperate or taken advantage of. Perhaps you feel resentment buildi...

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