Why is breaking up so painful?

It is very normal to experience deep feelings of sadness, pain and grief when faced with separation or divorce and at times it will feel overwhelming and like the feelings will never subside, and you may believe that you will feel lost and alone forever. It is a very frightening time to come to terms with especially as you had planned your life together.


So many thoughts go through our heads because when we first embarked on the relationship, there would have been so many hopes and dreams to pursue together, growing old, and always having each other there, to love, support and cherish - after all, you both set out to do this thing forever.

Very often when things go wrong, we know deep in our hearts that parting really is the best option for ourselves (and our children - if we have any), and we deeply wish it could have worked out.

We know that the point the relationship had come to was destructive and unsustainable to everyone involved. Which is completely unfair for any children, who love you both, but end up being caught in the crossfire. 

It's completely normal to have an array of thoughts and questions constantly circling in your head - it can be so noisy in there...

What could I have done differently? Will I always be alone? Why did it go so wrong? Will the children side with one of us? Will our friends choose them or me? What happens to the family pet and all the items we adorned our home with? What about all the fun times and special memories? The house, the finances - how will I cope financially?

The "if onlys" and "what ifs" can drive us crazy.

Then, the daunting thoughts of life stretching out in front of you. Alone. No one to share anything with can be truly devastating.

Getting through all those firsts is a terrifying prospect (trust me I speak from experience), like Christmas and birthdays. Then there are the routine things like Sunday roasts, or family get-togethers, and suddenly that horrible label of being single or divorced. A failure.

I felt this desperation, and can honestly say I never thought I would survive. It was a lonely time and my whole world was turned on its head, so I understand how you feel. It's very important at this time to have support and understanding around you, to be listened to with compassion, to help you gain perspective and to guide you through your turbulent emotions. It can be very easy to isolate yourself, however this can lead to depression and staying stuck in your negative cycling thought patterns.

Although it seems difficult to start with, life really does get better and as the days go by you'll find a new path in life. You may find new hobbies, and friends, and a whole new fresh routine will be borne from your courage to take a step into the unknown, to rebuild your life and design it in a way that inspires your soul and wakes a new fire in your heart.

Don't despair. It is tough at first. Be kind to yourself and I would encourage you to reach out if you feel my coaching can support you at this challenging time.

I have the skills to help you through with love kindness and understanding. I look forward to hearing from you and helping you become you again - a better, happier you!

If this article resonated with you and you'd like to read more, you might find my article, '10 10 top tips to cope with a break-up' useful. 

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Gillingham, Kent, ME8
Written by Melanie Smith, Experienced Relationship Coach | NLP Master Practitioner
Gillingham, Kent, ME8

Melanie is a Relationship coach who has studied human behaviour and enjoys writing about experiences and subjects that she has gone through or learned from. Her passions are writing and teaching people how to be their best selves. Her deepest desire is to ensure that every person creates a magical and fulfilling, harmonious and happy life.

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