Life after domestic violence – finding your happy again

As a survivor of domestic violence, I never believed I would ever be free from the torment and vile person that forced this upon me. As a person that had never been exposed to any sort of violence from a partner, this happened later in my life.

*Content warning: This article includes description of domestic violence, please read with caution.

There were days when I would be head-butted in the street, if I didn't say "I love you", I was in trouble. I was too scared to bathe with the lights on or listen to music or indeed watch TV for fear that this maniac would be listening outside my door to my every move!

My life had changed from this happy-go-lucky, fun-loving person to a terrified little mouse. It all started when I split from my long-time love and I was in a very vulnerable position. I was not looking for a new partner, I lived alone and was dealing with the heartache from the split of someone I loved dearly.

Suddenly I found myself being wooed by this person who would never have been my usual type. I wasn't keen on him but he insisted on visiting me bringing chocolates and flowers and being that "lovely person" that I thought he was.

I most definitely was not ready for any kind of love as I was still crazy in love with my ex. However, this new person (I never speak his name) kept coming around until we eventually started having a relationship.

At first, it was good, we had some fun and laughs together. I never would have believed that he was violent and it wasn't until probably eight months later that I saw the "monster" reveal himself. It was on a trip to Ireland with some friends. Having had a few drinks too many he became violent towards me, I was petrified as I had never seen or experienced this before and this was to be the beginning of my life for the next two years.

There is a lot to tell, in fact too many storied. I kept this all away from my family as much as I despised this person I didn't want to bring trouble to my elderly parents or let them worry about me. He stalked me at work, he would wait outside workplaces, jump out of the car and so on. I was terrified of him, he made my whole body shake. He once stabbed my friend in the hand when he answered my door when I was getting ready for work.

It all came to a head some two years later when I returned from a club with my sister, he called me a w***e, kicked me so hard I still have the scar 30 years on and tried to smash my face through the glass window, I thought I would have a heart attack, I was literally having a breakdown there and then, I thought he would kill me.

He must have fallen asleep as I crept from the bedroom, he was in the living room and managed to get out of the door, he heard me and dragged me to the floor, my arms came out of my jacket and I was screaming. My neighbour came out and confronted him. I was black and blue and broken. So much more of a story but one that I see as an experience in life. Albeit absolutely awful, I don't think anything would ever be as bad.

I got through the pain, the fear, and how scared I was when I heard a man raise his voice. This all brought back such horrifying memories for me. I've come so far from those times and I rarely talk of them and never let them define me going forward in life. It's been many years and oddly enough the person that I split up from before meeting this monster still tells me "he loves me and he lost the love of his life 30 years on".

Times changed for me, as they do but it's nice to know I made such an impact on someone's life. The good man, not the monster. There is hope, I know that's easier said than done but please know, whatever you want to share with me, I am here for you and if I can support just one person and help them to find peace, it will be a huge achievement.

Thank you for reading the "short version" of this story.