How to have relationship success: What makes them work

Relationships - indifference causes disconnect and endings. It was Einstein who said, "You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that got you there.” Mindsets need to be refreshed.

Let's talk about how indifference can affect relationships, and what conversations can trigger disagreements.

How can indifference affect relationships?

Indifference is one of the main causes of breakups in all relationships. When they (and you) feel, "take it or leave it" - the writing is already on the wall! If you feel that someone doesn’t care one way or the other, in turn, why would you go the extra mile for them?

It's like the reason you got together in the first place is forgotten or lost, and the memory of it has become a lived-with disappointment. We need to be curious, not critical. We need to ask, not assume. This shows caring, respect and consideration. It promotes discussion and facilitates positive change.

When we are being criticised, we can be in trauma response (flight, fight or freeze) and in this state, we are more concerned about protecting ourselves rather than being in the 'us' state of a relationship. 

Don’t we all prefer to go where we feel welcome, and with those who are welcoming? Of course, we do! This ramps up our feeling of belonging, rather than being excluded and on the outside looking in. But we stay where we feel valued. It is belonging that calms, soothes, and relaxes us. This is emotionally and mentally beneficial and also augments our physical well-being. We win on every level!

Perfection is a myth in relationships. But if you can be intentional in reflecting on the 'whys' and also your part in them, conflict resolution is hugely maximised.

What can trigger disagreements in relationships?

It might be worth exploring that in your romantic relationships, close friendships, and indeed all your relationships. Look for the similarities, not the differences.

Expectations

This is such a huge cause of relationship downfalls and also a parting of ways. Taking time to talk about these can make all the difference in the world. What do you expect, what do they expect? It's best to know rather than assume and guess. 

Sometimes, yes this does involve having courageous conversations (and some of us are better at having those than others.) It is important to note though, that if the shared vibe between you is one of mutual respect, understanding, and consideration - this is much easier because there is more known and shared in the first place, lending itself better to open dialogue on equal ground. It feels safer.

Warmth and connection

In romantic relationships, if you are connecting more in general, you will be connecting far more in the bedroom. Physical intimacy is an organic part of a good connection between lovers. If you can manage to really take time and value each other, things really change for the good of all.

One of the greatest causes of depression can be when our important relationships feel like battlegrounds rather than safe harbours. You cannot leave relationship problems just to chance – they are hugely important to our well-being. It is here where we thrive. They are well worth the investment of your time and your curiosity.