Four ways to begin regaining your true self identity

“Being your true self is the most effective formula for success there is” - Danielle LaPorte.


Following your dreams means committing to being the person you need to be to achieve them; we have all the resources we need to achieve our goals and outcomes, but sometimes they are buried deep inside of us.

From a very early age we begin to discover who we need to be to fit in, to be praised and recognised, or to be noticed in our environment; the characteristics and behaviours that will ensure we feel accepted, liked, or loved.

As we move through education and into work, we identify who we need to be to get hired, be successful, stand out, or to blend in.

Some aspects of who we decide we need to be align with the natural strengths, traits, and characteristics we have, but some require us to adapt ourselves, and to alter our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.

Over time we become conditioned, believing these new thoughts, feelings, and behaviours to be part of who we are, when, in reality they are based on our conditioning; an adapted version of who we are and a mask covering our true self.

Once we begin to show up as the adapted version of ourselves on a regular basis, we become so used to it that it can be difficult to remember who our true self is.

Until maybe one day we say to ourselves, ‘where did I go’? Or even, ‘who is my true self’? For some, they have been conditioned for so long that they cannot remember the person they used to be.

If this resonates with you, it may be time to consider what changes you want to make. Finding your true self does not mean you need to let go of every part of your adapted self; some of these characteristics are great and useful to have.

It’s about letting go of the traits and characteristics that are not the ones you truly want to have and allowing your true self to shine through.

It’s about deciding which characteristics of your true self you will help you to be, do, and have more of what you want in your life.

Here are four tips you can use to begin regaining aspects of your true self identity:


Find a quiet space if you can and set aside 15–20 minutes. At the top of your page, write the question you want to ask your highest self to surface who your true self is. Write down everything that surfaces and see what bubbles up. Go back to the page the next day and reflect on what you have written. How many of them make your heart light up, which ones are you excited to resurface, and which are going to help you as you follow your dreams?

Change unhelpful beliefs

Identify the traits, characteristics, and behaviours that you would like to let go. What are your beliefs around these? What would need to happen for you to let go of these beliefs, and alter them to more empowering ones?

Identify ways you can more frequently do the things that surface your true self

Identify the activities you do that make you feel most like your true self; where a glimmer of that identity shines through. Find ways to include these activities into more of your life, so that you can amplify them as much as possible.

Surround yourself with those who accept and love who you are as your true self

Spend more time with those who enable you to feel comfortable being your true self and less time with those who you feel the need to be your adapted self around. The more we utilise the traits and characteristics, the more they will become part of your identity again.

Regaining your true self identity isn’t an overnight fix, but it’s a very worthwhile path to follow.

Take care,


The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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