We all suffer loss

We all suffer loss. Sadly, it is a fact of life. That loss can be a job, a person or anything precious to us. When we suffer a loss we react in different ways. We experience all kinds of different emotions and show different symptoms when we are grieving.

In the early stages of grief almost anything is normal, even feeling that you are going crazy. Immediately after you suffer a big loss, you can find it very hard to accept what has happened. Sometimes, you just feel numb and don’t really believe it. You may live your life as if it hasn’t happened. This can lead to some confused reactions from other people.

Most people feel a deep sadness and some feel despair. The gap in your life may seem immense. You may feel wounded and, more than that, as if the wound is incapable of being healed. You might find yourself crying a lot and that you have lost control of your emotions.

People often feel guilty for things done or said. Sometimes, it is for things you didn’t say. You may feel guilty that you are actually relieved something happened; for example, redundancy after a long period of uncertainty or stress at work. You may feel guilty that something happened, even though you had no control and could not have stopped it happening.

Anger can be the most difficult emotion to deal with; particularly if you have lost someone close. You may be angry with yourself, the doctor caring for the person or even the person who died, for leaving you all alone. You may have a very strong sense of injustice that this person died or that a precious job was lost.

A loss may trigger all kinds of anxieties and feelings of insecurity; suddenly the world no longer feels a safe place. This may be combined with physical symptoms such as tiredness, aches and pains or an inability to eat.

There are a number of things that can help you find your way again.

The support of friends is invaluable. Having someone with whom to share your feelings honestly, while you are grieving, makes a huge difference to your ability to cope. Don’t be afraid to accept their help when it is offered. This is a time when it is reasonable to lean on those who care for you. Sometimes they need you to tell them just what you need.

If you have a faith, this is the time when you may draw comfort from it. If your loss has led you into having doubts, then talk to your religious leader; they will be used to such questioning. 

Consider joining some kind of support group. These exist to support various kinds of loss including bereavement and redundancy. You should be able to find a local group through the internet or by asking at your local library.

If you are anxious about the process you are going through or if, after a little time, you feel stuck within the grief, consider working with a counsellor or a life coach. We are used to working with difficult emotions and helping people through the grieving process. It is painful but with help I’m sure you will find joy again and pleasure in the everyday acts of living.