The importance of knowing your values

As a life coach, I often work with people who feel a bit stuck and unfulfilled. They view their current life situation as just “OK”. Not bad, but not great. On a scale of one to ten, most areas of their lives tend to fall between four and six. They have become used to just getting by and staying in that grey area of fleeting contentment. They often say, “Life isn’t so bad, and I just don’t even know where to start to make a change.” That uncertainty can keep them stuck year after year.

When faced with someone experiencing a lack of fulfilment, one of the first things I ask is: “Are you living your life in line with your values?” This is often met with a blank expression as they realise they haven’t considered their values. Maybe they did at one point and lost touch with them along the way, or perhaps they have never clearly identified them. Either way, understanding your values can help you consider what a fulfilling life means to you.

When we feel stuck and unfulfilled, one possible reason is that we aren’t living our lives in line with our values.

You may wonder what is meant by values. It can seem like a vague term and is often associated with principles governing how a person or business behaves ethically. The values I am describing are broader than that. They are the things that feel most important to you at this point in your life. They relate to who you are, what you believe, and what motivates you. It starts with a not-so-simple question:

What is most important in my life?

Many people do not take the time to think about this question and, when they do, it can feel daunting to answer. There are many exercises available to help you identify your values. One way to start is to brainstorm all the things you desire in life, such as financial security, family, travel, fun or fitness. The list may begin quite long, which is fine, as many of us want several different things from life.

The next step is to narrow the list down to your most important values. To help with this, consider which items feel central to your fulfilment and which would simply be nice to have. If you aren’t sure whether one value is more important than another, try placing it in a real situation. For example, if you received a promotion at work but it meant spending less time with your family, how would that affect you? If it would be a deal-breaker, then family may currently be more important to you than career success.

For some, reviewing a list of values and trying to narrow it down feels too overwhelming. If this is you, try an alternative. Think of someone whose life you envy or admire. Most of us have experienced envy at one point or another. Make a list of the reasons you feel this way. These reasons may offer a glimpse into something you desire or feel is missing from your life.

Approach this exercise with curiosity, however. Envy can also be based on assumptions about someone else’s circumstances, so it does not always tell us exactly what we want.

Once you have greater clarity about your core values, check in with yourself to see whether they are reflected in your day-to-day life. If you feel stuck or unfulfilled, you may find that some of your values are not being given enough attention.

For example, if you value learning, growth and adventure but have few opportunities to experience them, you may feel out of alignment with what you desire. This does not necessarily mean changing your job or home. You may be able to honour those values through learning, hobbies, travel, relationships or other areas of your life.

Knowing your values can act as a compass when making decisions

Think of the times you have been unsure about which direction to take. Maybe you made a decision that felt right at the time, or perhaps you were unable to decide. Understanding what is most important to you can help you make more considered decisions that reflect who you are and what you need.

Our values can change over time as our experiences, relationships and circumstances develop. By checking in with them periodically, you may gain greater clarity about what matters to you and whether your choices continue to reflect it.

Remain open to change, but try not to lose sight of the values that matter most to you.