Secrets of a happy relationship

I grew up in a ‘battlefield’ as my parents argued nearly every evening. I always wondered why my parents stayed together for all these years; I hardly ever saw them seem happy together. Admittedly, now that they are older, they seem to be getting on much better, even though they still have trouble communicating effectively with each other.

I never doubted that they loved each other; however, their difficulty voicing their views, feelings, thoughts and opinions with love and compassion affected their relationship. Thinking about my parents, whom I love dearly and who, despite the fact that they did not get on well, were good parents to me, led me to ponder the foundations of a good relationship.

Here is what I came up with:

Communication

To have a good relationship, open and honest communication can be an important part of feeling heard and understood. This is so important.

I’ve been in a relationship many moons ago where I was afraid to express some of my feelings and thoughts, as I knew they would not be met with understanding. Being able to tell your partner how you feel, your fears and worries is an important part of a healthy relationship.

Using kind, loving, compassionate words in a discussion can help both parties open up with honesty. I am sure you have experienced the feeling of relief when you tell someone about something you were afraid to share. I am aware that it is not always easy to lace your words with kindness and compassion when in a debate, but at least attempt to try, as it may help create more space for both people to be heard.

Teamwork

When you are in a relationship, you are a team where, I believe, both people need to feel that they are contributing to the relationship, even if that contribution isn’t always equal in every area or at every moment.

The relationship needs time, love and energy invested in it and, when necessary, compromises are made. Both partners have a role in how the relationship develops.

It is not to say, however, that you need to lose who you are in a relationship to become a team; in fact, quite the opposite. A good, loving relationship fosters personal growth and supports each partner’s desires and ambitions. In a good relationship, you share your life with another; you do not live your life for them. You mutually support each other and face the rollercoaster of life together.

Mutual respect

Another foundation of a good relationship is mutual love and respect. There must be respect for each other’s needs and feelings and mutual acceptance of each other.

There is no good in trying to mould someone into something they are not. Many people make the mistake of envisioning what their partner should be like and, even though they are not, hoping that one day they will be.

It is best to look at reality rather than base your relationship on a dream version of it. It’s important to see your partner as they really are rather than basing the relationship on who you hope they might eventually become.

The list could be much longer, but these are the three things I believe can provide strong foundations for a healthy relationship.