Why body language matters

While the key to success in both personal and professional relationships lies in the ability to communicate well, it is not only the words that we use but also our non-verbal cues, or body language, that shape how our message is received.

Research has consistently shown that non-verbal behaviour can be a powerful asset in business, relationships, dating and everyday life.

The rise of interest in non-verbal communication is often linked to the 1960 Nixon-Kennedy presidential debate, which took place at a time when many American households were getting television sets in their homes.

A significant number of people watched the debate on television, while others listened on the radio. The story often told about this debate is that Kennedy appeared calm, confident and composed on screen, while Nixon looked less comfortable under the studio lights. Many commentators have since suggested that Kennedy’s visual presence influenced how viewers perceived the debate.

Whether or not the debate alone changed the outcome of the election, it highlighted something important: how we come across visually can affect how our words are received.

What is significant about the Nixon-Kennedy story is that body language can influence perception, sometimes in powerful ways.

The world is constantly communicating non-verbally. Our body movements, facial expressions, tone of voice, how we show emotion, how we dress, the possessions we favour, our conscious and unconscious behaviours, and even our environments can all communicate something.

To use a 20th-century analogy, non-verbal intelligence is like a computer. It has huge capacity, yet most of us only use a few of its applications, not realising there are many other valuable features that can assist us in communicating more effectively.

By improving how we understand and use non-verbal communication, we can express what we really mean, connect better with others and build stronger, more rewarding relationships.

In both formal and casual communication, a lot of emphasis is placed on words, or what people say. However, non-verbal communication is also important. Body language can say a lot, and sometimes what it says has a strong impact on how words are interpreted.

You may have heard the idea that only 7% of communication is verbal, with the rest coming from tone and body language. This figure is often quoted, but it can be misleading when taken out of context. Words do matter. However, tone, facial expression, posture, gestures and timing can all affect whether a message feels warm, defensive, confident, unclear or trustworthy.

Acknowledging the impact of non-verbal communication, psychologists have long studied a field called kinesics. This explores body language as a significant influence in communication and human relationships.

For managers, leaders and professionals, understanding body language can be particularly helpful. Non-verbal gestures and cues may help them notice how people are responding, whether someone appears comfortable, engaged, uncertain or tense.

Non-verbal communication is much more than the stereotypical “crossed arms mean you look tense” or “looking to the left means you are lying”. Both examples are too simplistic, and they reflect a limited view of the scope of non-verbal behaviour and communication.

Most people, under normal circumstances, are not consciously aware of their body language and non-verbal behaviour. This means body language can sometimes offer clues about how someone may be feeling, but it should always be interpreted carefully and in context.

How to read body language correctly is a skill that is developed through coaching, training, experience, practice and careful observation. Being observant is especially important when learning how to interpret non-verbal language.

When we talk about body language, we look at the subtle cues we send and receive from each other non-verbally. To get started, non-verbal communication can be broken down into a few different channels:

• Facial expressions: Dr Paul Ekman researched universal facial expressions linked to strong emotions. In body language, we are often drawn to the facial area because it can help us understand someone’s emotional response.
• Body proxemics: Proxemics is a term for how we use space and movement. We may observe whether someone is gesturing, leaning in, moving closer to us or distancing themselves. Body movement and use of space can give us information about comfort, preference or nervousness.
• Appearance and accessories: The clothes we wear, the jewellery we choose and our hairstyles can all form part of our non-verbal communication. How we interact with our accessories can also be telling. Is someone constantly playing with their watch or necklace? Do they repeatedly touch their hair? These can be non-verbal cues, though again they should be considered in context.

There are two sides to reading non-verbal behaviour:

• Decoding is being able to read other people’s non-verbal cues. It is how you interpret possible emotions, information and personality signals from someone’s non-verbal behaviour.
• Encoding is your ability to send positive or negative non-verbal cues to other people. This is how you manage your own non-verbal behaviour, the impression you give and how you make people feel when they are with you.

This is a fascinating area of study and one that I believe has not always been used to its full potential by business people and individuals. Becoming more aware of non-verbal communication can be a tremendous asset.