Letting go of fear

“Only when we are no longer afraid, do we begin to live.” - Dorothy Thompson

I remember reading this quote somewhere once, and somehow it seems to have just stuck with me in so many aspects of my life. It can be interpreted however you like, but to me, it’s as if to say, we don’t actually fear something as it’s happening. That fear occurs before we even know the outcome.

It’s only once we’ve let go of that fear, and we are doing the one thing where just the thought of it petrified us, that we begin to live our lives and just enjoy those experiences for what they are.

Fear can appear in our lives in both good and bad situations. We can fear the ending of a relationship, with the thought of moving on with our lives without that person. The fear of a job interview, and the thought of not getting the job. The fear of public speaking, and the thought of a crowd of faces staring back at you in anticipation. The ‘meet the parents’ situation when you start up a new relationship and fear the thought of making a good impression and hoping they like you. These are different types of experiences that many of us face throughout our lives, and I’m sure you can think of many more. But notice how in every single one of these statements, both ‘fear’ and ‘thought’ are present.

It’s interesting to find with fear that it’s not always the situation itself in which we experience it. It is found more within the thought process and anticipation that comes before it. Don’t get me wrong, there are many situations where fear is experienced in the moment of the situation. I, for example, felt brave enough to walk the horror section of Madame Tussaud’s one day. To say it scared the absolute crap out of me is an understatement! And I can safely say I will not be doing it again. But hey, if I’m deciding to delve into the realm of zombie actors, what did I expect?!

Anyway, my point is, yes, there are things in life in which we experience fear and never wish to experience them again, and I’m sure you have a better example of that than me! However, very often in life, the situations in which fear exists within our preconceived thoughts of the scenario, very often end up being the best situations to happen to us in life.

I did a skydive a few years ago in a beautiful California location. I’d always wanted to do it. It was something I wanted to accomplish so badly in life. A week before the skydive I felt fine. I was really excited, and I had all these thoughts of ‘wow, check me! I’m now adrenaline junkie Kalli, this is great!’ The days got closer and low and behold, my loyal friend, fear, started to kick in. By the time the day of the skydive arrived, I had what felt like the entire world’s supply of butterflies in my stomach. I hadn’t even set foot on the plane yet and I was already scared. But why?

To cut a long story short, all that fear that I’d built up inside of me was released the second I jumped out of that plane. All that worry I’d put myself through. All that anxiety of just the thought of the skydive. Suddenly, I’m falling through the air. Fearless.

Literally, the best experience of my life, I had feared for days! To put this into perspective, it’s very often that we fear the unknown as opposed to the event itself. And this is where our thoughts can become our worst enemy. This is where our thoughts often stop us from doing some of the best things we can experience in our lifetime.

...after fear, lives the best version of you.

Fear and worry are very natural emotions that humans go through. But if fear is stopping you from doing the things you want in life, it’s best to alter your thoughts now!

I’m a worrier and I always have been. But not as much as I used to be, because I decided I no longer wanted my mind to trick me out of the things I wanted in life. No matter how scary.

I used to be petrified before I set foot on stage to sing. I’d be given an opportunity to sing, and I wouldn’t take up the offer because the thought of it scared me too much. The way I got over this was to imagine I had a time machine (I know, right? If only?). This ‘time machine’ could move me to a time just after the event I was fearing, and I’d ask myself how I’m feeling at that time. More often than not, my predicted feelings were related to happiness and accomplishment. From that moment on, I learnt to live the life I really wanted for myself.

My anticipated fear was just a thought! And I had the power to change that thought. So think now about something you really want to do in life, or need to get through in order to progress your life. Now ask yourself what is holding you back. What thought is causing fear in your mind? Get in your ‘time machine’ and imagine your life after that event. If it’s positive, don’t let fear mask that and discourage you.

Always remember, some of our best experiences in life live just beyond that level of fear. So take off those ‘stabilisers’ and ‘arm bands’, and live your life. Because after fear, lives the best version of you.

“I can feel fear. I can live in fear. But I won’t let fear defeat me.”

To find out more about how coaching can help you get over your fears, why not book a completely free discovery call with me. There is no obligation to have coaching with me after.