How unrealistic expectations can hold you back

Despite the well-known phrase that I’m sure you’ve heard thousands of times and probably told others, “Life isn’t fair”, a lot of us still expect it to be.

You may believe there is some overriding form of justice; that if you’ve worked hard, you deserve that promotion, or if you’ve waited long enough, you deserve to find the love of your life.

The danger of this sense of entitlement is that you sit back and wait for the rebalance to happen, rather than taking action to make things different. It can also stop you from taking responsibility for your good or bad fortune.

Rather than just expecting that life will be fair and you’ll get what you want because you deserve it, take control and believe that you are in charge of your own success.

What other unrealistic expectations do you have?

Do you believe that everyone should like you?

Again, this is a commonly held expectation, as we find it hard to believe that anyone could have a reason not to.

But all of us have had different experiences and see the world through different lenses. If, for some reason, a person doesn’t like you, then that will be about their own perspective and life experience.

Accept that wanting everyone to like you is only setting you up to fail and to get hurt. Then you may feel the weight of your own expectations lift.

Do you believe achievement will make you happy?

Whether it’s losing weight, getting a promotion, buying a bigger house or finding Mr Right, none of these things can guarantee long-term happiness.

They may make life easier in the short term, or bring genuine joy and satisfaction, but to build lasting happiness, you also need to work on feeling good about yourself in this moment.

Do you believe others should treat you the way you treat them?
Again, this is linked to a well-used phrase: “Treat others as you expect to be treated.”

But everyone’s expectations of how to behave are different. Just because you were there for a friend in bad times doesn’t mean you can always expect them to be there for you in the same way.

We never know exactly what’s happening in other people’s lives. Instead of having fixed expectations about the way they “should” behave, try to receive what they can offer without assuming it has to match what you would do.

Do you expect anyone to keep a secret you share with them?

The danger here is that the importance another person puts on your secret may not be as high as the importance you put on it.

If it would really hurt you if the secret got out, think carefully before sharing it.

These are just a few unrealistic expectations clients have uncovered and found to make their lives difficult. Do you have any to add to the list?

If you can let go of these expectations, you may find that you are more often pleasantly surprised by other people’s behaviour, rather than being disappointed, and that your progress towards reaching your goals is much smoother.