How to stop overwhelm in its tracks so you can enjoy life

We’ve probably all said at least once in our lives that we feel ‘overwhelmed’, but what do we mean when we say that? We know we’re having an intense feeling, but how exactly does ‘overwhelm’ cause that feeling? How do we each feel it differently? Is overwhelm the opposite of being ‘underwhelmed’? And why is nobody ever just ‘whelmed’?!

As someone who works with many people in positions of leadership or entrepreneurship, I have helped a lot of people unpick this and find how they can move away from these feelings and feel more in control. Of course, it’s not just in our work lives that we can get this sense of overwhelm; it can pervade every area of our lives.

What does overwhelm feel like?

Overwhelm can be experienced from both positive and negative perspectives. We get a feeling that what we’re experiencing is ‘too much’. We can be brought to tears when overcome by emotions of happiness when something good happens to someone we’re close to, or we can be overwhelmed with anger and perhaps shout or even become violent.

We all have our own way of dealing with situations when things become too much. Some of us go quiet, hide or avoid people; others get very vocal or display their emotions.

From a work perspective, it’s certainly true that technology has changed the way we work and brought many positives, but you can’t help but notice that instead of reading a book on the train or gazing out of the window on the way to and from work, many of us are getting on with our emails, starting work before we even get to work.

While our work has the potential to be more flexible, it is also true that many of us are working longer hours and spending more of our time on work-related activities. Hands up if one of the first things you do in the morning is check your emails.

We can also be overwhelmed by our responsibilities at home, as parents or carers – we're leaders at home as well as at work.

Creating space to think

Here's the thing: overwhelm is often as much about how we experience a situation as the situation itself.

You're just one person, and you can only do what you can do. The stage after overwhelm can be burnout, and you don't want to end up there.

You cannot, and should not, be everything to everybody.

First, you need to be you, for you.

Slow down a little and give yourself some headspace to think clearly. If you need to, use your breath to help you – slow your breathing and allow your shoulders to relax.

Decide what really matters

Focus on what is most important to achieve each day.

Before you go to bed, decide what absolutely needs to get done the following day. Make everything else secondary to that priority.

This will also help you say "no" to people:

"I'm focusing on X today..."

Build healthy boundaries

Do something for yourself every day – every single day.

Don't short-change yourself; it's non-negotiable.

Likely, you've almost forgotten what you enjoy doing. Reacquaint yourself with the things that bring you joy.

What made you happy as a child?

If you genuinely can't think of anything, choose exercise. Endorphins help improve our mood, and you'll probably sleep better too.

We all need to take care of our own mental health.

Delegate more effectively

If you're in a leadership role, you're likely thinking there's nobody you trust to hand things over to. Or perhaps if you delegate task X, you'll no longer get to do task Y... and you quite enjoy task Y!

However, bear in mind there are some things you really should hand over because they are simply not the best use of your time.

Decide which activities genuinely need your attention and which can be delegated.

Delegate to someone you believe can develop the skills required for the activity, even if they don't quite have all the skills yet.

• Focus on outcomes.
• Be very clear about the outcome you want and check it is understood.
• Agree who they should go to if they encounter a problem or need advice (not you in the first instance).
• Then get out of their way and let them get on with it.
• Review the outcome afterwards and discuss what could work even better next time.
• Move on.

Make meetings count

Meetings can be real time-wasters.

Never go to a meeting that doesn't have an agenda. If attendees don't know what they're there to discuss, they'll still find something to talk about, but it probably won't be productive.

Every meeting should count.

Every agenda item should have a time allocation and, when that time is up, move on.

If it's a regular meeting, take turns to be the timekeeper.

Each agenda item should also have an intended outcome, such as making a decision or approving a proposal.

There is no reading time during the meeting. Reading is preparation and should be done beforehand.

Choose what deserves your time

Learn which activities drain your time and which genuinely deserve it.

For example, being visible in the workplace may take time, but it's likely to keep you better connected with your team than staying in your office, making it time well spent.

Don't forget that you also need time to think.

If in doubt, ask yourself:

• What would happen if I did this?
• What would happen if I didn't?

Surprisingly often, the answer to the second question is "nothing", and you've just saved yourself some valuable time.

Be mindful of which activities you procrastinate over and which activities you use to procrastinate!

From time to time, review how you're spending your time and consider whether those activities are still the best use of it.

Ask for support

Beware of complaining too often to friends and family. While it can feel good to have a moan, doing it repeatedly can sometimes leave us feeling even more stuck.

Instead, ask people to help you think through your options.

You don't have to take their advice wholesale or even at all, but simply exploring possibilities with someone else can help you realise you have choices and remind you that you don't have to deal with overwhelm on your own.