The lost art of play: why joy is essential for stress recovery

I often ask people a simple question when we talk about stress or burnout: “What do you actually do for fun these days?” Most people think for a moment. Something you earn once the work is done. A reward for productivity. Finish the project. Clear the inbox. Get through the week. Then you relax. But biologically, the opposite is true.

Joy is one of the fastest ways to regulate your nervous system and shift the body out of chronic stress mode. Activities that create enjoyment, curiosity or play activate brain systems linked to dopamine, relaxation and parasympathetic recovery. In simple terms, they send a powerful signal to your body: “You’re safe. You can stand down.”

Without those signals, the brain stays in threat mode. Over time, this constant low-level stress can feed burnout, anxiety and physical exhaustion. Recovery, in other words, isn’t indulgent. It’s biological maintenance.

The burnout cause we rarely talk about

Most high-performing professionals assume burnout is caused by long hours or heavy responsibility, and of course, those things matter. But there is another factor I notice again and again when I talk to people who feel exhausted by life. When we look closely at their week, something interesting appears. There is no joy left in it.

Life becomes a cycle of productivity without pleasure. Responsibility without relief. There is work, family logistics, emails, errands, deadlines and commitments. But very few moments that feel playful, curious or genuinely enjoyable.

I often ask people a simple question when we talk about burnout: “What do you actually do for fun these days?” There is usually a pause, sometimes a long one, and eventually the answer arrives: “I’m not really sure anymore.” Your nervous system notices this.

A long-term Finnish study that followed more than 1,200 executives over several decades found that those who took three weeks or fewer of annual holiday were 37% more likely to die during the follow-up period compared with those who took longer breaks.

What made the finding even more interesting was that many of these men were otherwise living healthy lives. They exercised, ate well and looked after themselves, but recovery was missing. The nervous system doesn’t reset through discipline or productivity. It resets through signals of safety and enjoyment. And those signals need to appear regularly.

The difference between rest and numbing out

When people feel exhausted, the instinctive response is often to collapse on the sofa and do nothing. Scroll the phone, watch television, and zone out. I do it too. But biologically, this is quite different from active play. Passive distraction doesn’t always send a strong safety signal to the brain, but play does.

When life feels overly serious, the brain shifts into threat mode. The amygdala – the part of the brain responsible for detecting danger – becomes more active. In this state, everything can start to feel heavier and harder to solve. But the moment you do something playful, even briefly, the brain receives a completely different message. After all, you wouldn’t be playing if a tiger were chasing you.

Play activates reward circuits in the brain, releasing chemicals like dopamine that improve mood and motivation. It also supports neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt and recover from stress. In simple terms, play helps the brain become more flexible and less stuck in stress loops. It’s not a distraction from life – it’s a reset.

The lost art of “sending it”

A while ago, I saw something in a park that made me laugh. Two kids had built a small ramp and were launching their bikes off it. They were completely absorbed in what they were doing. One of them shouted across the park: “Do you want to see us send it?” Then they pedalled straight at the ramp and launched themselves into the air with absolutely no hesitation.

No phones. No analysis. No overthinking. Just full commitment. They absolutely sent it. Watching them reminded me of something: As adults, we don’t live in that space very often anymore. Somewhere along the way, we lose our sense of play. We swap ramps for routines, adventure for responsibility and curiosity for control. Instead of sending it, we start carefully managing everything. But play isn’t childish, it’s human, and it might be one of the things modern adults need the most.

Why adults lose their sense of play

Children don’t need to be taught how to play – it’s instinctive. Watch a toddler with blocks or a group of kids chasing each other around a park, and it’s obvious. No one gives them instructions. Play is simply how humans explore the world.

So what changes as we grow older?

Cultural conditioning

At some point, the message changes. We’re encouraged to “grow up”, become serious and focus on productivity. Play begins to look frivolous or unnecessary.

Time pressure

As adult responsibilities increase – careers, finances, family commitments – anything without a clear outcome gets squeezed out. Play, which doesn’t require a purpose, is usually one of the first things to disappear.

Fear of looking silly

Children rarely worry about how they appear to others, but adults often do. Trying something new, dancing badly, or doing something slightly ridiculous can suddenly feel uncomfortable.

Stress and burnout

Ironically, the moments when we most need play are often the moments we believe we don’t have time for it. I know this one.

What we lose when play disappears

The absence of play does more than remove fun from life – it removes something biologically important.

Research shows that playful activity supports:

• Creativity and problem-solving: play activates parts of the brain associated with imagination and innovation.
• Stress regulation: playful activity reduces cortisol and helps regulate the nervous system.
• Connection: shared play strengthens relationships and social bonds.
• Resilience: play helps the brain stay flexible and adapt more easily to change.

Without these experiences, life can slowly start to feel flat, heavy and overly serious. Everything becomes about responsibility, and very little feels like living.

Relearning the art of play

The encouraging news is that play never truly disappears; it just goes dormant. And it can be reawakened.

Redefine play

Play doesn’t have to mean organised sport or games. It’s anything that absorbs your attention and feels enjoyable. For some people, that might be music, painting or gardening. For others, it might be climbing, tinkering with gadgets or learning a new skill.

Lower the stakes

Play works best when the outcome doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be good at it. In fact, giving yourself permission to be bad at something – drawing, singing, dancing – can be surprisingly freeing.

Allow spontaneity

Play thrives in unplanned moments. Join in when your children are laughing in the garden. Say yes to a lunchtime walk. Follow curiosity rather than always staying on the sidelines.

Gamify everyday life

Small playful challenges can transform ordinary moments. Race yourself while tidying the house. Set a timer for a task. Turn routine activities into small games.

Reconnect with nature

Outdoor play has unique benefits. Climb something. Skip stones. Explore a new path. Nature, combined with curiosity, is a powerful nervous system reset.

Try this: design your own “Dolidays”

Most people wait for weekends or holidays to recover, but the nervous system actually responds better to small recovery signals throughout the day. So instead of waiting for a big break, try designing three small “Dolidays”.

Think of them as short moments that interrupt the stress cycle and remind your brain that life is not only about productivity. Choose things that feel slightly fun, slightly curious or even slightly pointless. That’s exactly the point.

For example:

• kick a ball around for five minutes
• sketch something badly
• walk somewhere new without a destination
• sing loudly in the car
• learn a random skill
• turn a mundane task into a small challenge

None of these needs to achieve anything. They simply tell your nervous system: “We’re safe enough to play.”

Many adults assume joy and play are luxuries that can wait until life becomes less busy, but biology suggests the opposite. Moments of play, curiosity and enjoyment are not distractions from life. They are signals that help the nervous system recover from stress.

When those signals disappear, life can slowly become dominated by pressure, productivity and responsibility. Sometimes the change isn’t more discipline. Sometimes it isn’t working harder. Sometimes it’s simply remembering something we all knew how to do once: how to play.