How to boost your confidence by being aware of emotions

Is your mind racing around from work to kids, to decisions, to planning and back to work?

Is your well-deserved night-time rest disturbed by the burden of career pressure, business stress and family issues?

Do you find it difficult to switch off?

If you recognise a few of these situations, it may be a sign that you are feeling out of control. That feeling can undermine your confidence, add stress and leave you feeling increasingly unhappy.

Feeling out of control

Most of us have experienced the feeling of being out of control. Sometimes it presents itself as being snappy, crying easily or feeling tired and grumpy. These signs may appear before you realise that you are struggling to cope.

You may not understand what is happening around you and inside you. And if you don’t understand, you don’t know what to do.

In a situation like this, your internal dialogue may feel inconsistent. Your head speaks a different language from your heart. Your head offers clarity through logic, rational reasoning and facts. However, when a clear explanation doesn’t make you feel any better, it may be because it doesn’t resonate with your heart.

Clara needed help

Clara had it all: a great part-time job, two healthy young children, a nice house and a loving husband. She seemed sorted, but she wasn’t. She slept badly, didn’t feel confident at work, thought she was a rubbish mum and felt as though she was losing it. Clara was regularly in tears and had no idea why.

Her life on the outside could not be much better. Her head told her that. Her friends envied her and her family was proud of her. Inside, however, her heart gave her a different message: “I am not good enough; I am selfish and guilty”. Guilty of not being perfect?

Clara’s big mistake was that she tried to ignore these messages and ignore her emotions. Suppressing emotions rarely works, as they often find a way of coming out. In Clara’s case, they came out as tears, unhappiness and stress.

In coaching, Clara was supported to acknowledge her emotions, tell the story and then step back to look at what was happening without judgement and with more acceptance.

For Clara, being able to be honest about what was going on brought huge relief and a better understanding of what she had done. She had built a big story around the assumption that her boss was unhappy with her part-time status, which fuelled her insecurity and knocked her confidence. This then rubbed off on other aspects of her life, such as her children and family.

Having discovered this, Clara decided to discuss with her boss how she could improve her involvement without working more hours. There was preparation, sweaty hands and a sleepless night before the conversation, but celebration, relief and big smiles afterwards.

Her boss told her he did not want to lose her, as she was a very valuable asset to his team. He had been careful about involving her in too much because he did not want her to feel overwhelmed and leave.

Conclusion

Had Clara listened to her heart earlier, she may not have had to go through this emotional turmoil. However, she learned that honouring her emotions and valuing them as an important signpost could help her in the future to create a healthier balance inside and outside herself.