Looking after yourself after a relationship breakdown

When a relationship breaks down, the pain can be overwhelming and debilitating. Our identities can get lost in our emotions. It may feel that we will never be the same again, or even be able to function in the way we used to.

However, there are a few things that we can do to ease the journey and start rediscovering ourselves.

How to look after yourself after a relationship breakdown

1. Don’t set yourself a timeframe

There is no specific timeframe for when you should start to think about moving on. We all deal with change differently, and healing happens in stages, so you shouldn’t force this.

Treat yourself gently, as guilt, self-loathing and replaying all the “what ifs” will only make the healing process feel harder.

2. Allow yourself to be sad

It is important to feel your emotions, whether that is anger, loneliness, guilt or sadness. Allowing yourself to acknowledge these emotions can support the healing process. Avoiding them may make the pain harder to process in the long term.

3. Acknowledge that changes are happening within your life

Recognise that change is happening. This can allow space for the new you to emerge, rather than holding tightly onto the past.

4. Look after yourself

Take time out to focus on you. Try to move your body, eat well and rest where you can. This can help with self-esteem, confidence and feeling stronger. Be mindful of habits such as overeating or drinking too much, as these may cover up true feelings rather than helping you process them.

5. Take control of obsessive thoughts and actions

Obsessive thoughts can create a distorted view of reality, preventing acceptance and letting go. These thoughts can dominate our minds, making it harder to see future possibilities or personal growth.

6. Accept it is normal not to feel like yourself

It’s important to recognise that, as couples get closer, our sense of self often becomes intertwined. It can really feel like we have lost a part of ourselves. Acknowledging this allows you to start rebuilding a new sense of self.

7. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is for you, not your ex-partner.

To forgive is not about saying what happened was acceptable. It is about understanding that holding onto anger may prevent you from moving on. What can be even more difficult is forgiving yourself. Taking time to understand why your relationship ended can help prepare you for future relationships.

8. Socialise

Socialise with people who provide a positive environment and allow yourself to have fun when you feel ready.

9. Embrace the new you

Embrace the new you. Embrace your new identity. Start to reflect on the things that define you as an individual and what makes you happy.