How to improve your listening skills

We may believe we are good listeners, but are we listening for our own needs or for the other person? In business and in life, mastering the art of listening can improve relationships and communication dramatically.

You may have come across Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. One of my personal favourites is habit five: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”. This is what this article is about.

In the early days of sales and retail, I soon learned that sales improved when I started to listen to clients’ needs, rather than focusing only on what I had to sell. Whether it was a “deal of the week” item or not, if it fitted their needs, great. But first and foremost, the art of listening was paramount.

As a coach, this is a skillset that has been enhanced to ensure I hear what isn’t being said, as well as what is. From here, further incisive questions can be asked, and more listening is required to help clients reach a specific objective or goal.

How effective are your listening skills?

So, how can we improve our listening skills both at work and at home? First, look at the following questions and respond honestly, with as many answers as you feel are relevant.

• When listening to someone, I’m likely to...
• I interrupt people when...
• If I had to choose between speaking and listening, I’d choose to... because...
• Listening comes easily to me when...
• When people express their emotions, I feel...
• If I can’t have my say, I feel...
• I find it easy to listen to people when...
• I become easily distracted when listening if...
• People I tend to find it difficult to listen to include...
• The best listener I know is... because...

Now review what you have learned about yourself as a listener and list these insights out.

Building better listening habits

Once accomplished, complete the following statements:

• I know I actively listen well when...
• Habits I find irritating in a person speaking include...
• To become even more effective at listening, I need to...

With a clearer understanding of your own habits and strengths, write down what you will work on to improve your skill set.

How often have you started a conversation about something that has happened to you, and before you even finish what you’re saying, the other person has taken over the story with their own example? We are all guilty of having what others say trigger our own memories, but some of us learn that this conversation is not about our needs. It is about listening fully to the other person.

So, once you have started to master the skill of listening, the next step is to quieten the desire to add our own examples into the situation, unless it will be truly beneficial to the other person.

These are traits that any great coach will have. They are also skills that can help you better understand the people around you. If you would like to explore this further, a life coach may be able to help.