5 steps to unshakeable confidence

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with – it’s something you build. True, unshakeable confidence is quiet strength; it’s grounded in self-trust, emotional resilience and a deep sense of inner worth.

As a confidence and empowerment coach, I’ve worked with countless clients who’ve mistaken confidence for perfection or constant positivity, which can be tiring and ends up eroding confidence in the end, I think. Real confidence and belief in ourselves is much more powerful than constant positivity and achievements. 

If you’re ready to cultivate lasting confidence, here are five transformative steps you can start practising today.

1. Own your inner voice

The way you talk to yourself defines how you show up in the world. You talk to yourself far more than anyone else, and we hear this voice all day, every day. If your inner voice is filled with self-criticism, doubt, or harsh comparisons, confidence will always feel just out of reach. The first step to changing this is awareness – catching that internal dialogue and naming it.

This is where cognitive reframing becomes powerful. The next time a limiting belief (for example, "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not brave enough to do that") or some negative self-talk pops into your head, pause and question it.

Ask:

• Is this 100% true?
• What evidence do I have that supports or challenges this belief?
• How would I speak to a friend feeling this way?

Then reframe it to something more neutral and supportive: “I may not know everything, but I have something valuable to offer, and I’m learning every day.”

Remember: Confidence isn’t the absence of self-doubt – it’s the decision to not let doubt lead.

2. Consistency > perfection

I see so many people delay action until they feel “ready,” “confident,” or “certain.” Guys, that mindset is a trap! We'll be waiting forever – confidence doesn’t come before the action – it’s built through the action.

You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to show up and start. Whether it’s public speaking, starting a side hustle, applying for new jobs, or launching a dream project, small, consistent steps will always beat big, irregular efforts.

Ask yourself: What’s one small thing I can commit to doing every day that moves me forward?

This might be journaling, a 10-minute mindset check-in, or taking one small (but brave!) step outside your comfort zone, then start doing those things. Confidence increases when we grow our comfort zone, and the more we do the scary things, the more that comfort zone will stretch. Think of it this way: each consistent action is a step towards the confident and fulfilled person that you're working hard to become.

3. Set boundaries

True confidence requires energy, and energy requires boundaries.

Many people-pleasers or high-achievers feel depleted because they’re overcommitted, constantly saying “yes” to things that drain them, leading to burnout, resentment, and weakened self-trust.

Setting boundaries is not about pushing people away; it’s about showing up for yourself first, so that you can show up fully for others. Think of it as emotional hygiene!

You don’t need to explain or justify every “no.” A simple, respectful boundary can sound like: “I’m grateful for the invite, but I need to prioritise getting some rest this weekend.”

When you honour your needs, you send yourself a powerful message: I matter.

4. Train your mind like a muscle

Confidence isn’t just about doing – it’s also about being. We spend hours in the gym training our bodies, so why wouldn't we also train our brains? 

Daily mental fitness practices can increase resilience, clarity, and emotional regulation, which are all really important for building our self-esteem and confidence. Here are a few you could try:

• Mindfulness: Spend 5-10 minutes in silence each day to ground yourself and observe your thoughts
• Journaling: Use prompts like “What am I proud of today?” or “Where did I show courage this week?” and jot down what comes up for you – I have clients who have made huge breakthroughs just by allowing themselves time and space to explore their thoughts a little more
• Gratitude practice: There's a reason that having a gratitude journal is so cliched; when we focus on the good things, we start to notice more of the good things – this conditions your brain to find strength instead of fear

The more you practice these tools, the easier it becomes to remain calm and confident even when life feels a bit chaotic.

5. Celebrate growth, not just goals

One of the biggest confidence killers that I see in my work is the constant moving of the goalposts. We achieve something and then immediately chase the next thing, without pausing to acknowledge or celebrate our progress. This sounds harmless, but you're actually doing yourself a huge disservice, and over time, a toxic narrative of  “I’m never doing enough” develops in our brain.

True confidence blooms when you slow down and start to recognise your evolution. Reflect on how you’ve changed, the difficult obstacles you’ve overcome and how your responses are different today than a year ago.

Try this journaling prompt weekly: “What did I handle this week that would have overwhelmed me a year ago?”

The mindset shift from chasing outcomes to celebrating growth grounds your confidence in who you’re becoming, not just what you’re doing.

Unshakeable confidence is not about never doubting yourself. It’s about trusting yourself to move forward even when you do.

It’s built through small, daily acts of courage, consistency and self-compassion. It’s shaped by the boundaries you set, the thoughts you challenge, and the progress and growth that you choose to celebrate.

You don’t have to wait until you feel “ready.” You can start building your confidence right now; start where you are with exactly who you are and what you have – confidence isn't something that's out there waiting to be found – it is already within you and waiting to be activated!