Three steps to easier difficult conversations

Do you struggle with challenging conversations?

Do you dread confrontations with awkward work colleagues?

Do you avoid engaging in tricky dialogue with certain people?

Whether it’s tackling issues in your personal or professional life, here are my three steps to make difficult conversations easier.

Three steps to easier difficult conversations

1. Don’t dodge the conversation you dread

Avoiding a difficult conversation can build resentment, anxiety, anger, hurt and fear. That doesn’t mean you should have a knee-jerk reaction either.

A useful first step is to write a letter or email to the person and say everything you want to say. Don’t edit it. Let yourself get it all out, then delete it. This can help take some of the emotional charge out of it.

Then, once you are ready to approach them, stick to sharing your experience and avoid blaming or shaming the other person. This shows you are owning your own experience and can help steer the conversation away from defensiveness.

2. Be careful with absolutes

Be aware of the power of words such as “never” and “always”. Absolutes can be ambiguous and may trigger a defensive response in others.

It is important to monitor your words. Stick to facts and specific instances where you can. Also, label the behaviour rather than the person.

3. Listen to learn

Listen to learn, and learn to listen.

It can be powerful to use words such as “I hear you” or “I understand you feel passionately about this” when someone pauses. This helps them know you are listening and can make them feel valued and heard.

Be empathetic towards their point of view, even if you don’t agree. Once someone feels heard, respected and understood, they may be more likely to drop some of their defensiveness, and the dynamics between you can change.

Make it happen. You can do it. It’s your time to shine.