What is NLP and how is it relevant to me as a parent?

'Neuro' is what goes on in our head, those thoughts that sometimes work out OK but often don't. Those beliefs we have about how good (or not) a parent we are and why our kids are behaving the ways they are. 

The beliefs that feel empowering, we call 'resourceful beliefs' and the ones we wish to goodness we didn't have, we call 'limiting beliefs' sometimes you may have heard them called 'self-limiting beliefs'. 

Which are you passing on to your children? 

'Linguistic' is how we talk to our children and teens, the words we use that can lift them up and those that can put them down. Are you focusing on what you'd like to see and hear or are you focusing on what is annoying or upsetting?

Do you shout and scream, let's face it, it can be tempting, especially at the end of a busy day. Instead, take some deep breaths and think about what you want, then tell them. It's much easier for them to know what you want than lots of criticism of what they're doing wrong. 

'Programming' is what happens as a result of those first two; the neuro and linguistic and these can form patterns of behaviour that can become habits. Are the results what you want? Are you frustrated with them most of the time? If so, think about what you could do differently. 

Try visualising what you'd like to see, imagine what you want to hear. Have you heard of manifesting? When we focus on what we want, it does quite often happen. 

How will NLP help us as parents?

Our kids are watching us like hawks from the day they were born, learning from us and relying on us to teach them. As their main caregiver, we are vitally important. Their reptilian brain is set up to please them because their biggest fear is abandonment, being separated from the tribe as it were. We are therefore best placed to show them what we expect by how we behave. It is so important for them to be shown how to behave rather than told one thing yet experience something different. That will be confusing for them. 

Use fewer words, speak calmly and clearly show them what you want. Avoid using 'don't...' instead, focus on the desired behaviour for example "Please be kind to each other then I can get on with making supper". 

Use 'when' instead of 'if' to indicate that you expect them to do it, for example, "When you've finished your homework, you'll be able to play that game you enjoy."

It's all about choices. Choose how you express yourself (linguistic) choose a resourceful belief (neuro) and you'll get a great result (programming). Your words and beliefs about your children and about being a parent will be the difference that will make the difference. Make different choices and be open to getting it wrong sometimes. After all "If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got".