The wedding dress phenomenon

Have you ever looked at a photo of yourself at a party or on holiday just after the event and thought “I look terrible” or “I should have lost more weight”? If the answer is yes, try looking back at that photo and see what you think now… is it the same as then?

What most people find is that when we look back on our reactions they are very different and can change over time! That is why I call this the 'wedding dress phenomenon'. When you get married, most people (myself included) go on a crazy diet and exercise like Rambo so we can have 'those photos'. However, no matter how many salads you eat or squats you do, when they arrive you can be very disappointed- you don’t think you look 'good enough'.

When I got married this is exactly what happened to me. I was upset when I saw the photos as I wasn’t thin enough (even though I was the thinnest I had ever been!) Three years and two children later, I would have given anything to look like I did that day again. It annoyed me that I had spent so long beating myself up for not losing more weight. But then years later actually saw how nice I looked while hating my new 'mum' body. When does the body shame stop?

The point is we should love and celebrate our bodies how they are and not how we think they 'should be'. Constant self-criticism can lead to many negative emotions and outcomes such as stress, anxiety, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, social anxiety and depression. This can be avoided though by being realistic; there is nothing wrong with getting healthier and losing weight if you wish, but it is not what defines who you are.

My husband always tells me how pretty I am so nowadays. Instead of secretly thinking he’s just saying it to be nice, I outwardly say “thank you” and appreciate the compliment. When I look at photographs I don’t instantly look at the parts of my body that I don’t like (which no one else probably notices), I focus on the parts I do such as my hair, my smile or my wonderful husband and children.

Our perception of events and images is never the same as other people as I explained in my article about outlooks and perceptions. We can’t change how we see things but we can control the impact they have on us. Having a positive view of ourselves is not easy but it can hugely increase our self-esteem, self-confidence, control, positivity, motivation, resilience and overall emotional empowerment!

It requires a lot of work but training yourself to recognise and control these negative thought patterns is essential in improving our emotional health and wellbeing. I focus on this area in every course that I offer and many clients see a large improvement as soon as they realise they are in control of their thinking styles- not the other way around.

If you need any help in this area please contact me for more support, information or for a free consultation. Remember to be your own best friend, not your own worst enemy, by refusing to waste your time on self-criticism. Spend that valuable time on self-love and care instead, as self-care is never selfish.