Is not feeling safe and secure in life the cause of your anxiety?
Feeling safe and secure in life is a necessity for our fulfilment and happiness. If you are feeling insecure, then the natural human response is to experience anxiety.
We as humans have both physical and emotional needs. Our physical needs need to be met for us to stay alive and our emotional needs are required to enable us to feel alive.
When our emotional needs are met, we feel fulfilled, purposeful and engaged with life, yet when they are not, we will be sent signals such as depression, anxiety or a feeling that things are just not right.
In this article, I will focus on the different areas in our lives that could contribute to feeling insecure and, consequently, experiencing high levels of anxiety.
Are you feeling secure in your personal relationship?
Marriage is forever and ever, to love and to behold? Although it comes with no guarantees and in our modern society getting a divorce is no longer seen as a failure but instead an act of bravery to live a happy fulfilled life.
Often, prior to ending a relationship, many hours, months and even years can be spent in an unhappy state of limbo. Living in a state of ‘what if’ can become all too consuming. It is a huge decision and I highly recommend you seek professional help before taking action, whether that be through couples therapy or as an individual. This will enable you the confidential space to ensure you are making the right decision, with no regrets.
Most of us have experienced a relationship where trust was absent, and it is torturous. The fear of rejection and the loss of someone we have an emotionally intimate relationship with will trigger anxiety and, if you are in an insecure relationship, it might be time to ask yourself some deep soul-searching questions.
If a relationship is in any way abusive then I highly recommend you seek professional advice from either a therapist, a designated charity or the police to protect your safety.
Being single is the new married where we have freedom and choices to live as we please. The terms spinster or bachelor are thankfully no longer part of our vocabulary.
Learning self-love is key, and then anyone else’s love is a bonus.
Do you feel secure in your work?
Rarely is there a job for life, which for many is a celebration. In our society and unlike previous generations we have the flexibility to have several careers in our lifetime. We can retrain, step up, step aside and even step down and adjust our careers to reflect our lifestyle.
What I have discovered from working with my clients is that many are unhappy in their work. Sometimes this can be managed with a change of perspective, the building of self-confidence and self-worth and other times it can be that a complete change is required. It is impossible to flourish in a toxic environment and sometimes the only answer is to leave and safely seek pastures new where you will be recognised, valued and rewarded accordingly.
Redundancy, whether you are being made redundant, at risk or one of the supposedly lucky ones still employed, constant restructures create a feeling of uncertainty. If it is not me today, then what about tomorrow? There is much uncertainty in many roles and that is out of the individual’s control but what you can do is recognise your strengths, achievements, recognise your skill set and build your emotional resilience so if that day comes you are as in control and prepared as you can be.
Bullying is not just for the playground. It never ceases to amaze me how many are experiencing bullying in the workplace, whether it be direct or passive aggressive, it is unacceptable. Working in this toxic environment can destroy confidence, the anxiety of the unknown day ahead can fill us with the dreaded sick feeling on the way to work and that is not OK.
Achieving, being purposeful, valued and rewarded is a given and if not then it is time to brush up on your CV and research your options.
Do you have financial security? Often linked with job security but can also be the rise in the cost of living, university fees and having financial independence.
There can be many layers linked with the fear of money, for some no matter how much is in the bank it is never enough, not due to greed, but a feeling of insecurity, driven by fear.
Do you feel secure within your community and peer group?
Keeping up with the Jones's, we are hard-wired to fear rejection for our survival, as it triggers a physical as well as an emotional response. We all remember the playtime when no one wanted to play with us, the emotional response is intense and indented into our memory.
Social media has many benefits but if you are feeling insecure with an underlying imposter syndrome then it can play havoc with your security. If this is you then try having a break for a few weeks and see if you see some improvements?
Schools are a breeding ground for nits, conjunctivitis and anxiety. If the lessons and achievements alone do not create an anxious environment you can throw in hormones, peer pressure, and friendship groups just to name a few.
Health and life and death
The past two years we collectively have felt insecure and although we cannot create world peace, we can control our own world by being aware and making necessary changes.
I highly recommend you switch off the news, and social media and be mindful of conversations.
Making life changes such as focusing on improving our physical and mental health, eating well, and exercising all helps.
Taking control is the key to alleviating your anxiety levels. You may not be able to change the world around you overnight, but you can calmly start taking steps in the right direction.
If you recognise feeling insecure in any of these areas of your life, then seeking professional support might allow you to identify and make the necessary changes so that you can manage anxiety and thrive.
I provide within my first session a breathing technique that will give you the ability to manage anxiety, and think calmly and logically. This is known as a guided imagery session. We will take an imaginary trip to the beach, where you relax, and I do the hard work. This can be achieved in only two sessions which will improve the effectiveness of the breathing by up to 50% and you will be able to manage your physical response to anxiety, magic!
Once calm you can think with your logical brain, change perspective and make any changes with confidence and self-belief and I will be there holding your hand all the way.
Happiness is your birthright!