How shadow work can help you overcome people pleasing

If you're feeling stuck in life and struggling with the frustrating feelings of people pleasing or not being enough, at the detriment of your own voice and core values; you may want to explore the concept of shadow work.

Shadow work is a powerful tool that can help you identify and heal the hidden parts of yourself that are holding you back in your relationships and career.

What is shadow work and why should you try it?

So what exactly is shadow work? In short, it's the process of exploring the parts of yourself that you've pushed aside or rejected. These are the parts of yourself that you may consider "bad" or "negative," as a result of religious conditioning or hearing “children should be seen and not heard” as a child. As a result, you've learned to hide them away. But the truth is, these parts of yourself are still there, and they can have a powerful influence on your life if you don't acknowledge and work with them.

So how can shadow work help with feelings of people pleasing and not being enough?

When we're constantly trying to please others at work, in relationships and seeking external validation, it's often because we're trying to compensate for our own perceived shortcomings. We don't believe that we're enough on our own, so we seek approval and acceptance from others to fill that void. This in turn can fill us with inner resentment as we subsequently abandon and neglect our own individual needs.

But by doing the work of shadow work, we can start to uncover the root causes of these feelings. We can start to explore the parts of ourselves that we've rejected or pushed aside, and learn to love and accept them. This can help us build a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence so that we're not constantly seeking validation from others and fearing the outcome of other people’s judgement and rejection.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Shadow work can be a challenging and sometimes uncomfortable process. It requires us to be vulnerable and honest with ourselves, which can be scary. But the rewards of doing this work are immense. When we start to embrace and integrate all parts of ourselves, we can experience a greater sense of wholeness and self-acceptance giving us the freedom to express ourselves authentically and truthfully.

So how can you get started with shadow work?

There are many different approaches, but here are a few key strategies that can be helpful:

1. Start by journaling. One of the most powerful tools for shadow work is journaling. Take some time each day to write down your thoughts and feelings, especially the ones that make you uncomfortable. Allow yourself to be completely honest and vulnerable on the page, without judgment or censorship.

2. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is another important tool for shadow work. By learning to be present with our thoughts and feelings, we can start to become more aware of the parts of ourselves that we've been ignoring or suppressing. Try to spend a few minutes each day in quiet reflection, simply observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment.

3. Seek support. Shadow work can be a challenging process, and it's often helpful to have support from others who have gone through it themselves. Consider working with a coach or therapist who specialises in shadow work, or joining a support group or online community.

The rewards of embracing your shadow

Remember, the goal of shadow work is not to become perfect or to eliminate all of our negative traits. It's about learning to love and accept ourselves in all of our complexity and to become more fully integrated as individuals. By doing this work, we can overcome the limiting beliefs and patterns that have been holding us back, and move forward with a greater sense of self-awareness and purpose.

If you're feeling stuck in life and struggling with feelings of people pleasing and not being enough, I encourage you to book a discovery call with me to explore how the concept of shadow work may be just the thing for you.