Are you attracted to the wrong type of relationship? Here's why
One of the elements that I have been diving into through my work is the reasons why people go into the wrong relationships (it’s not by chance and it’s not because you “manifested” it either - I get so peed off when people use this to blame themselves!).
The real reason is this...
When we are children we create our identity.
During these stages we learn who we are, how we should be treated and also our role within our relationships with family, friends and society as a whole. We then use this framework that we have developed as a child and use it in our adult life.
Suddenly the parent who blew hot and cold as a child is recreated through a partner who blows hot and cold in their relationship.
The feeling as a child that you had where you felt your role was to keep people happy turns into a relationship where you are constantly trying to keep them happy (and it feels never enough).
Or the parent that you tried to prove yourself to changes to the partner who is on the pedestal who you don’t feel worthy of.
You can still have a great childhood in these circumstances! It doesn’t mean your family are bad people. This is the undertone of what they probably lived through and they’ve subconsciously unloaded this on to you believing this was going to help you in your life.
The issue is between the ages of 0-7 years of age is when the foundation of who you are is created! Not many people know how to create changes after this age.
Too many people focus on changing the “actions” or forcing on new beliefs such as “you deserve love” which people don’t take fully onboard.
The change needs to take place on the identity level and we have the skillset and the techniques that support our clients to create those deep, profound and lasting changes to improve not only their love life but their whole life too.
The secondary issue of this is when people lose themselves in relationships. So often when I speak to people they are so afraid of losing themselves in a relationship or when they start dating someone.
Tell me, how many times have you missed an event or let down friends or family because a cute date has suddenly asked you out? (FYI this is how it starts!)
Here’s three simple ways to avoid that now:
1. What do you need in order to be the best version of you?
Do you need friends, a social life, that regular hairdressers appointment, that spin class that turns your legs to mush and also that weekly Sunday roast at your parents? Great! Turn those things into absolute commitments to yourself!
The biggest reason that people lose themselves in relationships is because they commit more to the other person than themselves.
2. Do you fully know your worth?
So often when I speak to people who have regularly lost themselves in relationships, they have this in common. They don’t realise that they are worthy of love from being who they are versus what they look like, say, do etc. The more secure and happy you are with yourself the less likely you’ll sacrifice that for someone else.
3. Understand what a relationship is to you
People over romanticise relationships into being this wonderful milestone that you’ve achieved and that you can now be more happy because you are in a relationship. Well let’s look at the facts. Every human fluctuates with their emotions which is also influenced by life and situations and identity. What happens when we put two people together? Is it easier or harder for them to be happy?
If you are putting the pressure on that a happy relationship means that you are a good partner or that being in a relationship means that you have a partner to make you happy then you are setting yourself up for failure.
The most healthy relationships are the ones that can navigate difficulties, conflicts and disagreements easily together without brushing them under the carpet.
If you are at a stage now where you want to meet someone who is truly aligned with you, then I suggest you check out our free training on how to meet the right one - without wasting time on dating apps.
We dive into our full strategy on how you can meet the right one, enjoy commitment and how to build a long lasting relationship.
Find a life coach offering Relationship Coaching
All coaches are verified professionals.