5 steps to change your life (and what comes next)

Not happy with something in your life right now? Well, you’re not alone.

Whether it’s financial troubles, something physical, relationships and connection, habits that are a hangover from the pandemic or feeling disconnected and powerless, there is plenty for anyone to contend with. And, after all the media coverage of what a difficult winter we’re having, it doesn’t exactly seem like a great time for thriving.

I know that external influences affect us all and we don’t control these and how they affect our lives. However, there is always something that you can do to change what comes next - and it’s not as difficult as it might sometimes seem.

These are five resilience-based steps that anyone can use to make change happen.

1. The resilient mindset shift

When it comes to making real, tangible change in your life, a lot of this starts with how you see things. We have a mechanism called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) that filters out the information that comes at us every day. It will filter this based on the rules that we provide it with. Those rules often stem from our core beliefs.

It’s this mechanism that means you suddenly start seeing things you think you’ve never been aware of before. For example, I recently wanted to buy a small light blue car of a particular model. I’d found one online but wasn’t sure about it because I thought I’d never seen one in real life. As soon as I believed I wanted this car I started seeing them everywhere. It wasn’t that I had never seen one before but that I’d never noticed one because I wasn’t looking for it.

This works the same with core beliefs - your RAS will show you evidence of what you want to believe about yourself. If that’s “I’m not worthy of love” or “I’ll never earn more money” this is what you’ll see evidence of around you. It means that you’ll miss all the evidence that you are worthy of love and all the opportunities that exist to make more money.

That’s just one example but it shows how powerful the perspective through which you see the world really is. And why more resilience is so important for life change. It’s not just about the thoughts you have but the ways those influence your actions and behaviours - which affect outcomes and results.

2. What is your subconscious feeding you?

Let’s look deeper at those core beliefs. It’s no small task to reprogramme core beliefs that you might have been incubating since childhood. But it is possible. Especially through resilience coaching. It starts with identifying what those core beliefs are so that you’re aware of what you’re feeding your RAS and the daily narratives you’re hearing.

This is something you can work through in resilience coaching. Or you can do it yourself by pausing periodically throughout the day - every hour, for example (and, especially when something big or challenging happens) ask yourself “how do I feel?” and “what do I believe about myself right now?”

It sounds very simple but building self-awareness always is. And it’s that self-awareness that gives you the insight you need to stop repeating the patterns of thoughts and behaviour that aren’t helpful. Questioning can be an especially powerful tool in a resilience coaching session because it disrupts your habitual narratives and forces you to consider alternatives.

3. Remind your brain that change is possible

We don’t know what we don’t know - and that includes what we see as possible for ourselves. If something is outside your comfort zone you’ll most likely tell yourself that it’s not something you can do, be or have. Comfort zones are there for a reason - we feel safe in them. Sometimes, we need that and sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we can do what we haven’t done before.

Resilience coaching is a process of helping you get more comfortable with taking risks. To be clear, taking risks isn’t about being reckless. In fact, it’s healthy to be able to talk yourself through taking a risk, from considering the possibility, to preparing in any way that you can. The more you do things outside your comfort zone, the more you’ll remind your brain that change is possible. The more you remember this, the more you’ll believe yourself to be capable of. 

4. Commit to something different every day

Habits can be healthy, no doubt about that. But they can also be where we hide our fears and unwillingness to take a risk or give up emotional crutches. And hiding any part of you will always undermine your resilience. Because so much of this is driven by the subconscious, one of the easiest ways to get started is to just begin doing things differently. This can trigger all sorts of new perspective shifts and ideas.

Commit - for one month - to doing one thing differently every day. Taking a different route to work, responding differently, choosing different activities, saying yes to something - whatever feels like it’s most in need of change right now. 

5. Embrace the f*ckit method

There comes a point with everything in life - especially new things or things that make you feel vulnerable - where the only transport is a leap of faith. Those are the moments when the F*ckit Method can be very useful. It’s exactly what you might think it is - “f*ckit I’ll give it a go” etc.

It might sound flippant or sweary but it’s actually been identified as the modern equivalent to surrender and letting go. It can instantly release the pressure and tune you in to what your instinct actually wants you to do. So, if you find yourself getting stuck in perfectionism or too fearful to take a big next step, give the F*ckit ethos a try.

Resilience is a vital force for change. It’s the energy that we come at life with and it’s the momentum we have to embrace uncertainty, risk and the potential for failure. How much resilience you have is heavily influenced by your mindset and core beliefs. Which is why resilience coaching is such a powerful tool for changing your life - and what comes next.