Why asking for help shows confidence

When you imagine yourself as a really confident person, what does that look like?

Does it mean you're loud, gregarious, independent and self-contained? Or could it be quiet, calm, authentic and comfortable with asking for help?

For some reason for many of us asking for help, can feel like admitting weakness. Why is it that we choose to struggle on with a feeling of overwhelm or stress, rather than turn to a friend or colleague to help us out?

One of the reasons, I believe, is that we like to give the impression to others that we have everything under control and don't like to show our vulnerabilities.

One of my favourite gurus is Brené Brown, a research psychologist in America who has studied shame and vulnerability. If you haven't seen her TED talk then I really recommend 'The power of vulnerability.'

If you don't have time to watch right now though, Brené Brown's work on vulnerability has helped bring greater attention to the idea that allowing ourselves to be vulnerable doesn't have to mean being weak.

My own experience with facing my lack of confidence

I know in the past I have wanted to multitask and 'do it all'. I'd rather play the martyr, working really hard to juggle everything and building resentment against others for not realising I needed help. When all I had to do was ask.

Now I realise that people love to help, it gives them a warm feeling and I acknowledge that I am worthy of receiving support.

It did feel scary at first as I found it uncomfortable to relinquish control. But by letting go and allowing others in to help you, gives some surprising benefits. I found that it strengthened my relationships and that colleagues found me less intimidating.

Your turn to ask for help and support

I highly recommend you dare to implement asking for help into your life. You can start by changing your mindset around what a confident person looks like. I believe that knowing when to ask for help and why you need it is a strong sign of confidence.

Working with a coach could help you explore your own expectations, recognise what you need and become more comfortable asking for support.

What you'll also notice is then your priorities start to change, with less focus on being in control and more on you and what you need or want.