Connecting with your child: could unplugging help?

Busy family life can make it difficult to give our full attention to the people around us. Between phones, work, messages, household tasks and everything else competing for our attention, opportunities to connect with our children can easily get interrupted.

Connecting with your child doesn't have to mean planning special activities or removing technology altogether. Sometimes, simply putting distractions aside and being fully present can create space to talk, listen, play or just spend time together. So, could creating some distraction-free time help you feel more connected as a family?

What gets in the way of connecting with your child?

Technology is enabling us to achieve so much more on a daily basis. We can shop from our sitting room to stock our wardrobe, the kids toy box and our food cupboard. We can check our work emails when we are at home and view our friends’ holiday photos. The options are endless, but what about the effect on the way we engage with our children?

As my two children have got older they have become more independent. I have always seen encouraging independence as an important aspect of my role as a parent. As a toddler, encouraging them to put their shoes on themselves as soon as they are able, handing them the flannel to wipe their face themselves, rather than wiping it for them. What I hadn’t anticipated was what I would be doing as they grew more independent. Mostly, my two adore playing together and will often go off and mess about with something. They are used to amusing themselves. I used their independence to do something else that was playing on my mind, and so I was not intentionally engaging with my children.

I heard a talk on stress management last year and I learnt that my ability to multitask is likely to be having a negative impact on the quality of my relationship with my children. I love multitasking and I am proud of my ability to handle many things at the same time - it feels good - but, actually, it is not.

Creating distraction-free time together

Six months ago, I decided to set aside distraction-free time between the hours of 3.15pm and 7.00pm during the week. I decided to intentionally pursue connection with my children instead. Putting this boundary in place has had a positive impact on how we engage and created more opportunities to connect.

Parent-child connection doesn't have to be complicated

When my kids come home from school I make a cup of tea sit with them as they eat their snack. We chat. Or I listen and they chat. They laugh. I laugh. I ask them what they’re going to do now.

Connection doesn't necessarily mean banning screens, though. They love it when I watch what they’re playing on the IPad, sit on the sofa with them and watch 'The Simpsons' or 'Horrid Henry', or when I sit on the floor and attempt to create something with Lego. And what they love best? That I am giving them my full attention - connecting with your child is less about creating elaborate activities and more about giving them moments of genuine attention. I am not distracted.

They want to pursue connection with me. I get to hear about school, we get to complete homework and spellings, I get to hear when they’re happy or sad or frustrated or disappointed. I am ready to listen, without immediately turning back to another task. And if they don’t want to talk, we can just ‘be’ together. I may do some jobs, but I am willing and ready to be interrupted and to put my children first.

Finding what works for your family

When do you feel most connected with your child? Are there times when putting distractions aside could create more opportunities to connect?

Try unplugging and see what happens!

If you would like to discuss or have advice on ways to improve your family time, then please feel free to contact a coach for more on this.