Chemistry, friendship and timing in relationships

Ever feel frustrated that the person of your dreams turns out to be yet another non-committal type? Wish that you had more butterflies with the person who is a great friend? Unbelievable chemistry, but you don’t have anything to talk about outside of the bedroom?

What I have learnt through my numerous dating experiences, purely for research, of course, is that three important elements can help a relationship really take off and have a chance of becoming long-term. Having these ingredients can help ensure that your relationship gets off to the best start.

1. Chemistry

Not surprisingly, chemistry is very important. Yet it’s surprising how many people choose to settle with someone who is their best friend, with no hint of sexual passion. It can be easy to fool ourselves into thinking that it doesn’t matter, but in my experience, it’s not only important; it can also give us more heartbreak than we realise. Being with someone who you have no passion for is akin to being with your best friend, but in romantic relationships we often need more than that. We need to feel desired, have those “butterflies”, and feel attracted to them.

2. Friendship

My dear old mum used to say to me when I was younger, “Looks will fade, but you are stuck with someone’s personality forever.” Much eye-rolling from me at the time, but like all words of wisdom, I have also learnt the hard way that chemistry alone will not sustain a relationship. Qualities such as kindness, caring and a sense of humour are just as important, if not more so, than the fleeting fires of passion. Having someone who you actually like, as well as fancy, is important.

3. Timing

Ah yes. You meet the man or woman who makes your toes curl and who you can also chat about the universe until sunrise with, yet there is one small, tiny problem - they are “just not ready yet” to settle down. It’s times like these that you start to lose hope in finding the one. You may also try and cling on, hoping that they will change their mind, pick you, and all will be right with the universe.

My friend, it may be time to let that go. Again, through experience, I have learnt the hard way. Namely, that they will very seldom change their mind. And you are left with the thought that life will never quite be the same again.

Although life always has a funny way of turning out in a way that you could never have imagined. He or she will come along. They may be the one who you have that amazing chemistry with; they may be your best friend, and they may also whisper to you that they will never let you go. They may have been waiting for you to come along all their lives. That, my friend, is the jackpot, the proverbial sweet spot and, in my experience, it really does happen.