Three life skills that outwit disappointment. Yay!

Disappointment is the feeling we experience when something goes wrong or when something doesn’t turn out the way we intended.

It can come in a variety of guises: from minor setbacks, where we feel quite capable of bouncing back, to disappointment on a grander scale with more serious consequences. This can take its toll, leaving us feeling depleted and far less able to cope with the long-term effects of what has happened.

So what can be done when disappointment sits at the grand end of the scale?

There’s always something liberating when we pause and take time to really get under the skin of something, because there’s a good chance we’ll learn something about ourselves. So, with your best foot forward and an open mind, the starting point has to be understanding the nature of the particular disappointment.

This can raise your self-awareness, increase your personal resilience and strengthen your capacity to cope. These are three life skills which can be used in all kinds of situations. They also come into their own when combined with patience and practice.

To take this idea further, the techniques below have been devised to help increase your self-awareness and consider how you respond when disappointment sets in. Over time, the development of these skills may help you become better equipped, more resourceful and more able to overcome some of the disruptive events that life has a habit of throwing at us.

Simply pick and choose those which resonate with you most:

• Get your feelings out. Talk, rant, cry; do what you need to in private or with someone you trust. It’s often better to express than suppress.
• If you are one to offload, don’t take it to social media because once it’s out there, it’s out there. Instead, take a deep breath and confide in a coach, close friend or someone in your circle of trust.
• If you struggle to talk about how you feel, write down as much as you can about the situation. Writing can be very therapeutic and can help you articulate what you can’t say openly. The process of quiet reflection and writing may allow you to get to the heart of the matter so that you see the situation more clearly.
• When things go wrong, there’s a tendency to generalise and think that everything was a total disaster. Is there just a small chance there might be a silver lining? Is there anything good about the situation? What can you learn here? Break the disappointment down into a sequence of smaller events to help you understand the bigger picture.
• Put your problem in perspective. Will the issue matter in one week, one month or one year from now?
• Ask yourself: what’s really gone on here? This is likely to be the most difficult part because, at some point, it is important to face the truth for your own peace of mind and to accept what has happened. Being honest and true to yourself can be tough at times and takes courage. Put your faith in a sympathetic friend, parent, coach or colleague to hear you out.
• What’s the gap between what happened and what you wanted to happen? Explore the gap. It can help you see the situation from different angles and may reveal how you might need to change your approach next time.
• Get comfy and take a long walk so you can unwind and reflect. Let your mind wander wherever it wants to. Notice what you feel and think about your situation. What is this telling you? Were your expectations realistic? What can you do better next time? What was missing? What could have been avoided? Be curious, rather than blaming circumstances or those around you.
• Be grateful. It’s easy to forget what you already have when you’re feeling down and disappointed, such as your health, a loving home, family or friends.
• Finally, learn to love the problem. In this case, disappointment. When you learn to adopt a “love the problem” mindset, it can put you in a different place; one that is more objective, accepting and idea-generating, allowing you to see the world through a different lens.