10 ways to build your confidence

Confidence can affect how we approach everyday situations, from speaking to new people to taking on challenges or trying something different. If your confidence could use a boost, there are small things you can practise to help you recognise your strengths and feel more comfortable in yourself. 

Here are 10 ideas to get you started.

1. Like yourself

List 10 things you like or value about yourself, then put the list somewhere where you will read it regularly. If 10 feels too many, start with five and work up. Alternatively, ask a good friend to help you.

2. What do you do well?

As well as thinking about what you like about yourself, make a list of what you do well.

These can be small or big things, from being good at doing the ironing or remembering birthdays, to organising a corporate party or getting down and playing on the floor with your toddler.

Again, if it feels daunting, ask someone you trust to help you.

3. Accept compliments graciously

When someone pays you a compliment, accept it with a thank you. Generally, we are not good at that and add things like “it was nothing” or “this old thing”.

We don’t need to do that. Someone has noticed something positive about you or something you've done, so try simply listening and taking it on board. You can even jot it down later so you can remind yourself.

4. Study confident people

Who do you consider to be confident? Bring them to mind and ask yourself questions such as: What is it about the way they behave that appears confident to you? How do they stand and talk? What are their mannerisms? What kind of things do they say? How would they handle this situation?

5. Act as if

If you are not feeling confident, act as if you are. In the last exercise you studied someone who appears confident; now experiment with some of the behaviours you noticed, such as how they stand, speak or approach a situation.

Trying some of the behaviours you associate with confidence may help you discover which ones make you feel more comfortable and self-assured.

6. Choose your influences

We are surrounded by pictures of perfect people, homes, gardens, children, partners and food. Remember this is not all real; life tends to get a bit messy.

If you find magazines, TV programmes, social media accounts or even people in your life exerting pressure on you or regularly leaving you feeling inadequate, consider spending less time with them.

7. Find replacements

If you are consciously changing the things that influence you, you may need some replacements or alternatives, such as changing your magazine subscription, unfollowing social media accounts that don't make you feel good, watching a different TV programme, spending some time with more supportive friends or just doing something different.

8. Beware comparisons

Be very careful about making comparisons. We all have things to offer, but our skills may be very different to those of others. It is good to remember that and remind ourselves how boring life would be if we were all the same.

Additionally, usually when we make a comparison we are doing it with just a snapshot of someone else’s circumstances; we very often don’t know the full situation.

9. Gratitude list

Note every day three good things that have happened or that you are grateful for. Again, they will be individual and personal to you.

You could be glad it rained as your garden needed it; you might appreciate a conversation with a friend, something that made you laugh or simply a quiet moment in your day. Be grateful for the small and the big things.

10. Choose an encouraging statement

Write yourself a short statement that feels positive but also believable to you and pin it somewhere you can see and read it.

It can be quite general, or it can be more specific to something you want to feel more confident about. For example:

“I may feel nervous at the party, but I can start by talking to one person.”

Confidence doesn't have to mean feeling completely certain or comfortable all the time. It can grow through noticing your strengths, trying things that stretch you and recognising what you're capable of along the way. Start with one or two of these ideas rather than feeling you need to tackle all 10 at once.