Single and Introverted

Being single is always a mixed bag. On the one hand, you have the freedom to find yourself and explore the world uninhibited by the responsibility of a significant other, and on the other hand, there may be times when you experience isolation or longing. But while you are single, there can be value in finding ways to enjoy the independence and potential for self-exploration it can offer.

And to help us to embrace this independent lifestyle, we have many sources of inspiration in the media. Mostly, these emphasise the fun lad or lass on the town sort of lifestyle that we seem to associate with being free and single. We can be presented with messages about being “young, single and ready to mingle”, relishing the partying lifestyle and planning the perfect night out. But what about those who are single and introverted?

A friend of mine recently told me of her own personal tensions in this area. As a single woman, she felt an enormous pressure to conform to the socio-cultural expectations, arranging nights out whenever possible. Ultimately, as someone who considered herself an introvert, she found herself unable to maintain the lifestyle she felt was expected, and started making herself feel guilty about it. She felt that if she couldn’t be an extroverted single, not only was it a sign of her natural desires being somehow defective, but she would also be unable to find a new partner. This is the struggle of the introverted single.

If you don't fit the stereotype of single life, it can be easy to start questioning whether you're doing it ‘right’. And this kind of thinking neglects the very best thing about being single; you don’t have to fit into any mould, nor do you have to preoccupy yourself with the pressure to settle down.

Realistically, you are not defective. Preferring quieter ways of socialising doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or that you need to become more extroverted to have meaningful relationships. You do not have to go out every night, nor should you feel bad if you don’t.

Being single on your own terms

If you're feeling pressure to live single life in a particular way, ask yourself:

• What does an enjoyable social life actually look like to me?
• Which activities leave me feeling energised rather than drained?
• Am I going out because I want to, or because I feel I should?
• How else could I meet people in ways that suit me?
• What do I enjoy about the life I have now?

Being single can be an opportunity to embrace who you are. Introvert, extrovert or something in between, this can be a time to make choices that feel right for you, without feeling that you have to perform somebody else's idea of what single life should look like.