Regain your confidence: 3 tips for reclaiming your joy

Entering mid-life can bring up all kinds of feelings, maybe you’re feeling drained, uninspired, or like you just don’t recognise the woman you used to be. The changes you experience after having children, as you approach menopause, and the day-to-day demands of life can make you wonder where your spark went.

If you find yourself feeling stuck, if your old goals don't motivate you like they used to, or if your beliefs and values have changed, making you unclear on your purpose or what you want from the next chapter of your life, you’re not alone.

Midlife can be a great opportunity to reassess your life and course correct or pivot where necessary. It's the perfect time to review, release and replace! Take a deep dive into your goals, your relationships, your career, and even your sense of purpose. Because it's so easy to become stagnant in the routine of life, without really asking yourself what you want or need, and identifying when these have changed.

So, this stage of life is actually the perfect chance to take stock, reset, and get back to being you. Below are three useful tips to help you rediscover your confidence, and create a life that’s truly aligned with who you are now, and the person you want to step into and become.

1. Set clear boundaries to protect your energy

You may have put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own for years. Whether it’s kids, a partner, work, or friends, it's easy to burn out when you’re always giving and struggling to put your core needs first. So, if you’re feeling drained and unfulfilled, it might be time to start setting clear boundaries, not just for others, but for yourself also. 

Start by taking an honest look at your current relationships and commitments. Are there friendships or obligations that leave you feeling exhausted or resentful? Are you saying yes to things you really don’t want to do? It’s okay to admit it, and even better, it’s okay to say no. Setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish or unkind; it’s about making space in your life for what truly fills you up, so you can show up as the best version of yourself in all areas of your life.

Women tend to struggle more than men with boundary setting, as for many generations we've been conditioned from childhood to put others first and have been viewed as the 'caregivers' of society. This is why 80% of people diagnosed with autoimmune disease are women, this suppression of our core needs results in chronic stress in our bodies, leading to disease. 

If you find it difficult to set boundaries to protect your well-being, working with a coach can help, as they'll guide you in navigating tricky conversations, give you the tools to say no (without guilt), and support you as you create the boundaries that are right for you. And they'll be there to keep you on track and hold you accountable because we all know how easy it can be to slip back into old habits without someone in your corner!

2. Redefine what success means to you now

If you've spent many years working hard, whether that’s building your career, managing a family, or juggling multiple roles, you might be feeling like you’ve sacrificed a lot of personal goals along the way. Maybe you’ve reached the point where you’re asking yourself; 'Is this all there is?'

Midlife is a great time to stop and redefine what success means to you now. What’s the point of keeping pushing if you’re not happy or feeling fulfilled? It’s okay if your career path hasn’t turned out exactly as planned, now is the perfect time to realign your work and personal goals with who you are now, not who you were 20 years ago.

Take some time to reflect on what parts of your career still light you up and where you may be feeling stuck or uninspired. Because it really is never too late to make a change, even if it’s just starting a side hustle or pursuing a new interest. Confidence comes from aligning your actions with your current passions and values, not what you feel you 'should' be doing.

This is also where working with a coach can be helpful to you, as you'll get to dig deep into what really matters to you, and together you'll create a clear, achievable roadmap for what success looks like at this stage of your life. Whether it’s changing career paths, exploring a new chapter or life transition, or simply making your day-to-day feel more meaningful. A coach will help you get crystal clear to focus on your goals and push you to take aligned action so you can stop just 'going through the motions' each day, and start living the life you truly desire.

3. Create time for yourself with 'the 20-minute rule'

If you’re a woman in your midlife, chances are you’ve spent a lot of time putting everyone else first and may have lost track of the things that light you up and bring you joy. But here’s the thing, if you don’t carve out time for yourself, how can you possibly expect to feel energised, happy, and fulfilled?

This is where I suggest starting with the '20-minute rule'. Just set aside 20 minutes every day (or as often as you can) to do something that nourishes you. Maybe it’s reading a book, going for a walk, practising yoga, or working on a creative project. The key is to do it without any distractions or guilt. Just 20 minutes of pure 'you time', will help you reconnect with yourself and your needs. 

It might seem like a small thing, but those 20 minutes can make a huge difference. Over time, it’ll help you restore your confidence, and you’ll begin to notice a shift in your energy and outlook. Plus, you’ll feel more equipped to take on the demands of daily life with a fresh perspective. And increasing those 20 minutes over time will also become easier and non-negotiable. 

In the UK, we’re very late to the party when it comes to working with coaches and therapists. For too long, seeking professional support for personal development was seen as something only a few people did, or even as a sign of weakness. But thankfully that’s changing at a rapid pace, with more and more women in the UK embracing coaching, therapy, and personal growth every day. 

People are waking up to the fact that investing in themselves through coaching isn’t a luxury, it’s an essential part of living a truly fulfilling life. Personal growth isn’t about fixing something that’s broken, it’s about tapping into your full potential, embracing the change that midlife brings, and taking proactive steps to make sure your next chapter is one that brings you clarity, purpose, confidence, and joy.